BlueZer0.net

The Third Fictional Reporter reporting. . .

COLUMBUS, OH – Eighteen days ago The Shadow posted an earth-shaking article that included close-up photographs of the markings on the side of an authentic flying saucer – markings that may correspond to those said to be on the sides of some of the most famous UFO’s of all time, like the famous Kecksburg Acorn, the mini-triangle Jim Penniston and John Burroughs encountered in Rendlesham Forest, and even the top secret Die Glocke, more commonly known as the “Nazi Bell,” which was one of Hitler’s most revolutionary wunderwaffe, and possibly based on extraterrestrial technology. Though certain people have recreated these markings from memory, no one but The Shadow has ever produced pictures. However, since unveiling his history-making photos, he has been scarce.

The Shadow, seen here strolling through the woods, has disappeared.

Continue reading "Where is The Shadow?" »

The Fat Kid reporting. . .

EUGENE, OR – After Decanus’ fight with the owner of Eugene’s favorite night spot, I, of course, fled the scene to avoid incarceration for possession with intent to distribute. Afterwards, I checked our favorite places in Eugene, which seemed oddly familiar, and somehow reminded me of my Atlanta days, hanging out on Albany Avenue. In any case, Decanus was nowhere to be found. The next day I made my way back to where his truck was parked, and found him sleeping inside. He agreed to be interviewed again in exchange for a cup of coffee. The transcript follows.

Decanus was forced to perform as a street musician at this bus station in Eugene, Oregon.

Continue reading "Decanus Interview Part 2: Stuck in Oregon, Dollars for Decanus Re-Opened!!!" »

The Fat Kid reporting. . .

Decanus and the Biaviians. From left to right: The Biaviian Anti-Gravity Device, Huginn, D’arcy, Muninn, and Decanus.

EUGENE, OR – After his latest show at the Horsehead bar, Decanus gave the following interview.

DP*: What do you want, fatty?

FK: I just wanted to know how the tour without Broken Bells was going.

Continue reading "Decanus Interviewed at Live Show" »

As first reported by The Shadow in his latest article covering his Third Avenue Saucer Crash Investigation, the purpose of these non-worldly symbols are unknown to him. How about you? Can you explain their origin and translate their meaning?

Continue reading "Help! What The Hell Do They Mean?" »

The Shadow reporting. . .

This statue of Icarus, a dumbass who thought he could fly with wax and feathers, is in the lobby of the National Museum of the US Air Force at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base.

DAYTON – On the surface, Wright-Patterson looks like a normal air force base. On the Wright Field side, there’s a museum that houses what I’d imagine is the finest collection of American military aircraft in the world. They even have formerly classified planes, like the infamous, glowing-red U2 spy plane, and the F-117 Stealth Fighter. The Patterson side seems little different than a normal, working air force base. There are landing strips, hangars, the occasional C-130 loading cargo, soliders milling about. There does seem to be an unusual number of F-16s patrolling the area, but it is an air force base, so that could only be considered slightly out of the ordinary. But if you choose to speculate, you could draw some interesting inferences.

Continue reading "The Shadow: The Wright-Patterson Saucer Hangar Revealed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" »

The Fat Kid reporting. . .

EUGENE, OR – Decanus and the Biaviians’ "Lonesome No More!" tour without Broken Bells has been going strong with stops in Detroit and Flint, MI; Spearfish, South Dakota; Mission, Kansas; Grimes, Iowa; Gothenberg, Nebraska, and now they have landed in the illustrious railroad hub Eugene, Oregon.

Decanus Picto "performing" at Eugene, Oregon's Horsehead bar.

Continue reading "Decanus Tour Turns Political" »

The Shadow reporting. . .

Ominous hangars at Wright-Patterson AFB, where The Shadow has tracked the saucer.

DAYTON – Dayton’s Wright-Patterson Air Force Base has a long history filled with military and ufological secrets. There are even rumors that there is an underground base beneath the visible surface-level base. However, many in the ufological community believe that Wright-Patterson’s days as a major center of UFO and experimental technology are more or less over. After investigators revealed that the wreckage of the famous Roswell saucer was transported there, the base was so frequently beset by investigators that it would have been foolish to continue running any but the most mundane operations at Wright-Patterson – it would have been like testing a secret craft in front of a camera crew. But sixty-three years have passed since the Roswell incident, and things have quieted down quite a bit. Other than a small crowd of investigators that cropped up after the appearance of some black triangles in central Ohio a couple years ago, the base has been more or less quiet. Maybe even quiet enough to make Wright-Patterson officials think it was safe to start up the old programs again.

Continue reading "Third Avenue Saucer Crash Investigation Continues!!!!!" »

The Fat Kid reporting. . .

New York – Space-Pop Duo Broken Bells, in conjunction with Presidential Candidate Decanus Picto and his backing band, The Biaviians, have announced that there will be not be a co-headlining tour.

Decanus Picto, seen here with one of his touring band members, Tanqueray, will not be touring with Space-Pop Duo, Broken Bells.

Continue reading "Decanus Picto and the Biaviians not Touring with Space-Pop Duo, Broken Bells!" »

The Shadow reporting. . .

Columbus – As we all know, when Decanus Picto was abducted by aliens and sold into slavery, by spotted chicks from Venus, he started composing music in his spare time, because 12-foot pot plants tend to have that effect on people. Well, those compositions have finally seen the light of day. That is, because The Fat Kid (who should be fired. I’m just saying. . .) was unavailable, the release date and release party actually came and went with no coverage by Bluezer0. So, way to drop the ball on that one, fatty. I hope your snotty paycheck was worth it. Like he’s better than me because he pays taxes. . .

The cover art for Decanus’s new album, Long Tokes at the Gravity Well, available here.

Continue reading "Decanus Picto Record Released!" »

The Fat Kid reporting. . .

Sorry about this picture. All the pictures of Pete are kinda. . . like this.

Columbus – Petrus Ratajczyk who, because he loved dick jokes, took the name Peter Steele, is dead at age 48, Blabbermouth.net reports. His death comes as a particular shock because Pete recently stopped drinking and doing coke.

Continue reading "Peter Steele is Dead at 48" »

Meet Nomie Homie, host of #NomieVision on www.twitter.com. A somewhat daily, real time, running commentary on her favorite TV shows.

Recently, shortly before one of her commentary filled tweet sessions, she took time to interview presidential candidate Decanus Picto. Since some of you may have missed it the first time on Twitter, here's your second chance. . .

Continue reading "#NomieVision: The Decanus Picto Interview!" »

The Fat Kid reporting. . .

Pennsville, NJ – As Decanus’s campaign manager, I have too many duties to spend much time posting updates, however; be informed that things are going extremely well. The Pictish One has spoken with large audiences in cities far and wide, including glamorous Camden, NJ; Pensauken, NJ; Philadelphia, PA; New Castle, DE; Bear, DE; Elkton, MD; Pittsburgh, PA; Columbus, Ohio, and other illustrious cities and towns across our great nation.

At the moment, the Decanus Picto for President Campaign is drumming up support at Pennsville, New Jersey’s famous gentlemen’s club, Melon Shakers, where Decanus spoke to four different super-hot chicks, at least one of whom may have signed up to be part of Decanus’s Legion of Hot Babes for a Better Doomsday and Post-Apocalyptic Future.

Decanus, with new Legion of Hot Babes for a Better Doomsday and Post-Apocalyptic Future member, Tanqueray.

Are you a super-hot chick? Want to join the Legion of Hot Babes for a Better Doomsday and Post-Apocalyptic Future? Send your picture with Decanus, or your picture of yourself with your Decanus Picto Print-it-Yourself Bumper Sticker-Type Thing, to the recruitment office.

Waterford Estates -- November 30, 2009: A date still so shockingly painful, those of us in the know of the events of that day just can't find the words. So, to clue you all in on the importance and relevance of this film, borrowed are these words from The Golden Bough, by Sir James George Frazer, "...for like the great majority of mankind the savage is above being hidebound by the trammels of a pedantic logic. In attempting to track his devious thought through the jungle of crass ignorance and blind fear, we must always remember that we are treading enchanted ground, and must beware of taking for solid realities the cloudy shapes that cross our path or hover and gibber at us through the gloom. We can never completely replace ourselves at the standpoint of primitive man, see things with his eyes, and feel our hearts beat with the emotions that stirred his. All our theories concerning him and his ways must therefore fall far short of certainty; the utmost we can aspire to in such matters is a reasonable degree of probability."

-Pimples Malone

The Fat Kid reporting. . .

Clintonville – When “Big Gunny Wayne” sent his latest big-wordy email (a word of advice: big [and/or misused] words do not equal good writing), Decanus was off on the long and dusty campaign trail, and could not be bothered to answer. However, having arrived back in Ohio, bearing many exclusively Philadelphian treats (do you even know what a Wawa is?), he has taken four minutes to reply. With his thumbs.

Picto '12 issued staff wireless communication apparatus (File Photo)

Continue reading "Decanus Replies (sort of)!" »

Clintonville -- Big Gunny Wayne gets tough with Decanus Picto and BZ in a new email. The last time his hate letter was so special we had to post it and now it seems we are expected to again. So here's the latest. . .

Continue reading "He's Back! More From BZ's Favorite Hater!" »