Meet Nomie Homie. Host of #NomieVision on www.twitter.com. A somewhat daily, real time, running commentary on her favorite TV shows.
Recently, shortly before one of her commentary filled tweet sessions, she took time to interview presidential candidate Decanus Picto. Since some of you may have missed it the first time on Twitter, here's your second chance. . .
Continue reading "#NomieVision: The Decanus Picto Interview!" »
The Fat Kid reporting. . .
Pennsville, NJ – As Decanus’s campaign manager, I have too many duties to spend much time posting updates, however; be informed that things are going extremely well. The Pictish One has spoken with large audiences in cities far and wide, including glamorous Camden, NJ; Pensauken, NJ; Philadelphia, PA; New Castle, DE; Bear, DE; Elkton, MD; Pittsburgh, PA; Columbus, Ohio, and other illustrious cities and towns across our great nation.
At the moment, the Decanus Picto for President Campaign is drumming up support at Pennsville, New Jersey’s famous gentlemen’s club, Melon Shakers, where Decanus spoke to four different super-hot chicks, at least one of whom may have signed up to be part of Decanus’s Legion of Hot Babes for a Better Doomsday and Post-Apocalyptic Future.
Decanus, with new Legion of Hot Babes for a Better Doomsday and Post-Apocalyptic Future member, Tanqueray.
Are you a super-hot chick? Want to join the Legion of Hot Babes for a Better Doomsday and Post-Apocalyptic Future? Send your picture with Decanus, or your picture of yourself with your Decanus Picto Print-it-Yourself Bumper Sticker-Type Thing, to the recruitment office.
Waterford Estates -- November 30, 2009: A date still so shockingly painful, those of us in the know of the events of that day just can't find the words. So, to clue you all in on the importance and relevance of this film, borrowed are these words from The Golden Bough, by Sir James George Frazer, "...for like the great majority of mankind the savage is above being hidebound by the trammels of a pedantic logic. In attempting to track his devious thought through the jungle of crass ignorance and blind fear, we must always remember that we are treading enchanted ground, and must beware of taking for solid realities the cloudy shapes that cross our path or hover and gibber at us through the gloom. We can never completely replace ourselves at the standpoint of primitive man, see things with his eyes, and feel our hearts beat with the emotions that stirred his. All our theories concerning him and his ways must therefore fall far short of certainty; the utmost we can aspire to in such matters is a reasonable degree of probability."
-Pimples Malone
The Fat Kid reporting. . .
Clintonville – When “Big Gunny Wayne” sent his latest big-wordy email (a word of advice: big [and/or misused] words do not equal good writing), Decanus was off on the long and dusty campaign trail, and could not be bothered to answer. However, having arrived back in Ohio, bearing many exclusively Philadelphian treats (do you even know what a Wawa is?), he has taken four minutes to reply. With his thumbs.
Picto '12 issued staff wireless communication apparatus (File Photo)
Clintonville -- Big Gunny Wayne gets tough with Decanus Picto and BZ in a new email. The last time his hate letter was so special we had to post it and now it seems we are expected to again. So here's the latest. . .
Continue reading "He's Back! More From BZ's Favorite Hater!" »
The Shadow reporting. . .
Upper Arlington – While the rest of you dipshits were watching for a new report on Decanus’s presidential run, I was out doing the real reporting. Not relying on other people’s work, but actually gathering information, and being out in the field. Really super late at night. Walking through my girlfriend’s neighborhood. Which also happens to be my weed dealer’s neighborhood. But that’s also the field. And I wasn’t holding, so there’s nothing you can do about it. And anyway, nobody saw me, or nobody that’ll talk, so go to hell. Cop.
This video shows what The Shadow claims was a massive cruciform UFO, flying over the Upper Arlington neighborhood of Columbus, Ohio.
The Fat Kid reporting. . .
Dover – Decanus Picto, 2012 presidential election frontrunner, has taken to the campaign trail to drum up support for his election, and to get young people from all over the country to sign up for their chance to be a Decanus Picto 2012 Mine Slave.
Decanus Picto, pictured here in front of Helen’s Famous Sausage House in Dover, Delaware, which is the preferred suicide spot for many world-weary Delawareans.
The Fat Kid reporting. . .
Clintonville – Independent 2012 presidential candidate Decanus Picto held another press conference Wednesday, in the famous Back Parking Lot Event Center and Pavilion. The press release announcing the conference described it as a rebuttal to President Obama’s recent back to school speech in which he addressed the nation’s children.
Pages two and three of Decanus Picto’s seven-page press release. They are mostly illegible.
The Shadow reporting. . .
Upper Arlington – After BZ’s semi-exclusive coverage of the Decanus for President press conference, BZ’s fattest employee made his way home on the Fat Cycle, locked it up, and then rested for seven hours. Unbeknownst to him, there were spies all around.
The Fat Cycle. This is the only picture we have, and the only picture we ever shall have, because somebody has ganked the bike.
After two false starts with the BZ Staff’s favorite feature, Spot the Gray, we’ve decided that we just don’t care whether people like it or not, because it makes us snicker. So, without further ado, we bring you Spot the Gray 3. Our subject this week is a familiar face from the dark Delaware days, our pal and non compos mentis conspiracy insider, Jared. We chose Jared because the innuendo in part deux of the Interview with the Alien was pretty heavy handed, giving the impression that Jared is in fact one of these parasitic grays, or at least is the host for the particular gray that lives in Jared’s tool shed. So, we decided that it was important to submit photos of the man himself to scrutiny, and determine once and for all whether the he was man, or gray. Keeping in mind the guidelines given to The Shadow, we submit to you, the BZ audience (and staff), the following several pictures. Gray, or not gray?
Internet moles have recently provided us with this close-up of the J man. Can you see the gray in there?
Continue reading "Spot the Gray, Episode 3: Revenge of the Jaredians" »
BZ Staff. . .
Are you having trouble understanding the terminology used at BlueZer0.net? Do you find yourself "put off" by our use of new and big words and cleverly discriptive phrasing? Well, we want to help by enhancing your understanding and adding to your enjoyable reading experience by making our glossary available. It's to be updated and expanded over time by both staff and readers, so don't hesitate to send in your favorite, new or confusing BZ term for its addition into the Lexicon Of Terms.
It's a glossary now, but someday it will be a really cool looking concordance!
Continue reading "BlueZer0.net’s Lexicon Of Terms (updated)!" »
The Fat Kid reporting. . .
Clintonville – This afternoon northern C-town had some extra traffic as former BZ owner and CEO, Decanus Picto, held a press conference in the much-storied Back Parking Lot Event Center and Pavilion.
Decanus’s eye-ruining campaign poster, unveiled at the press event this afternoon.
The Fat Kid reporting. . .
Clintonville – Things have been extremely quiet in Clintonville these days, which is surprising given that not long ago, BZ founder and CEO Decanus returned from a (roughly) year-long stay on Biaveh, where he worked as janitor, and space bus ticket designer. We here at the BZ offices were expecting Decanus to announce his return to BZ, or at least to hear something about his long-awaited first record, but there has been no word.
This example of Decanus’s work as space bus ticket designer is on loan from some dumb ass who paid $30 for it.
The Shadow reporting. . .
Upper Arlington – After last week’s rainstorm, I managed to sneak out of the posh and pleasant Fat Cave unnoticed by the alien authorities, who must have assumed that their vicious rain attack had subdued me. I felt like I had to return to the crash site ASAP, but it was about a half hour walk, so I borrowed the Fat Cycle. Despite its structural damage, I made my way there, but to no avail – the rain had turned the river an opaque brown that there was no hope of seeing through. Furthermore, the level of the river had risen, and the already turgid Olentangy was running even faster. There was essentially nothing I could do but wait and watch.
The Fat Cycle: Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah FAT MAN!!!!
The Shadow reporting. . .
Upper Arlington – It seems like nothing happened this past week. I mean, we got an insane, open-ended, ridiculously-worded email from a very Jesusy man whose point (other than that he’s going to somehow bring us down because we aren’t Jesusy) was unclear. And there was the BZ audience’s utter failure to participate in the interactive feature, Spot the Gray, which is apparently lame even though we think it’s awesome and will probably continue with it just for our own amusement. But otherwise, there was nothing. Until last night.
The Shadow shot this octagonal flying saucer down last night, and it crashed into the muddy Olentangy.
