When we reached the pond, we saw that the alien craft was hovering over it, just as described by the witnesses at previous sightings. We managed to back far enough away to get the camera to come back on, but still it would only work sporadically. The following is a frame grab we later managed to dig out of the memory card.

When we approached, all equipment shut down but we figured we’d get the attention of the visitor by hollering, “Dude, that’s a sweet ride!”

The alien’s head poked out of the window, his black almond-shaped eyes burned intensely and seemed darker than any black I had ever seen. He said, “Thanks, dude. It gots a 454 I yanked out of a old Chevelle. It rocks in the quarter mile. I’m runnin’ twelves. I mean, the time they gave me at the track was like 14.9, but the dude said there was something wrong with the timing thing. So it was like a 12.”

Eventually we bantered with enough fluency in redneck to get him to come down, and recorded the following interview on the back of a receipt with a golf pencil I stole from the return counter at Thriftway.

BZ: So, what’s the deal with sleeping in Jared’s shed?

Alien: I dunno. I’m in the area, thought I’d crash here, you know. He won’t mind much if he finds out. I’m down with his pal Beige.

BZ: You mean Tan?

Alien: Yeah, that’s what I said.

BZ: Um, OK. So, what brings you to earth?

Alien: Nothin’. Why are you so nosy?

BZ: We’re not being nosy, it’s just that it’s an unusual thing for aliens to visit upscale trailer parks in this part of the country -- we can’t speak for the deep south -- so we were just wondering what you were here to do. I mean, are you bringing world peace, or a solution to world hunger? Are you here to destroy us, or help get the greenhouse gasses out of the atmosphere? Some say that aliens monitor us because we’re so destructuve, and if we get too good at space travel they will kill us all so we don’t spread the disease of ourselves around the rest of the universe. Is that true?

Alien: Um, just, you know vacationing, doing a little fishing. Nothin’ much. [Brushes his mullet]

BZ: You’ve come all this way just to do some fishing? Don’t they have fish where you’re from?

Alien: Sure they do, but, you know. There are some killer sunnies in this pond, you know, when you got the right spot. Why? Has someone told you I’m spying, or trying to pry my way into Jared’s brain? Cause you know, if they did, they’re totally lying and everything. I am not at all using the structure of the Realm of the Tooth to broadcast my findings to the fourth dimension, either. Cause, you know, Starla, my ex, she’s been saying that stuff and it’s complete bullshit, too.

BZ: Um, I see.

Alien: Yeah, dude, I mean, what-fucking-ever. And if you print my master plan on the internet I’m totally gonna get pissed and smash you face, dude.

BZ: But why would Starla say things like that if they weren’t true?

Alien: What, are you taking her side? Just because I’m the new head of the White Trash Division of the Ministry of Reptilian Affairs doesn’t mean shit, dude. I mean, that’s a travesty. I mean if you want a real story, you should, like, ask why they call this Becks Pond when there’s all these Budweiser cans all over. [Tosses a Bud can] Huh. But, um, I gotta go.

Just like that the alien being was gone. He reeled in his line, lit another smoke, cranked up the stereo, which was now playing AC/DC, and flew out so quickly that the pitiful little Shadow Ride could barely keep up. But I had an idea where he was going. Directly we hit the highway, then 95. We drove by the Realm, and saw no sign of the craft or the alien, but the garage is pretty big.

We got the camera working, but just as we got near to The Realm, our equipment went dead, the car went dead, and then seemingly we went dead.

This video was all the evidence we could capture before we blacked out, and experienced the dreamless phenomenon known as “missing time.” As though all synapses lapsed into inertia and restarted at the flick of a switch, I woke up at my own shadowy apartment four hours later, with no memory of anything that had happened in the interim. Decanus reported the same.

It looks as though the prophecy of Tan was true. Jared is indeed a very special Time Walker, and has a very special purpose. So special that enemies are out to stop him. . .