The Shadow reporting. . . with contributions from The Fat Kid

A series of storylets that are better than nothing.

In honor of BZ’s favorite newlyweds, Mr. and Mrs. Shadow, I offer this website as my choice for Too Funny Website Of The Month.

-Decanus

The Shadow reporting. . .

Bear -- On the night of May 6th, 2007 Decanus set up a make-shift studio in the sitting room of Buckalew Palace to record the first ever interview with Jared Buckalew. There was mad liquor, weed, bitches, and hard drive space -- all the defining accouterments of a cult figure of Jared’s stature. The lights blazed, the hard drive spun, and our livers worked just a bit harder as the questions began. Here, for your edification, is the intelligible portion of the result.

-Decanus

Yet another fictional reporter reporting. . .

NEWARK - It has long been remarked that The Fat Kid and The Shadow have lived in the same neighborhood, paid the same illegal immigrant for sex and housecleaning services, driven the same car, reported on the same stories, “worked” for the same “news” site, and been fat. But only recently has conjecture passed over the idea that they’re gay for each other, and put forth this second and more extravagant theory -- that they are the same fat fuck.

Bluezer0 readers ask the questions you've been dying to. . .

Here at Bluezer0 we receive tons of email each day, usually from our connection in Mexico who can get us real cheap Viagra, or that crazy guy who is dying to buy my time share. Those guys never take their minds off work. But sometimes we get mail from other people, so we’ve decided to start a new feature Ask A Fat Guy.

China's Tech Generation Finds a New Chairman to Venerate

BEIJING -- Since the passing of Chairman Mao Zedong, a new chairman has come to represent the aims and aspirations of millions of Chinese youth -- the chairman of Microsoft, Bill Gates.

After months of labor free landscaping and farm work on the grounds of his estate, Jared does the most basic of suburbanite deeds, he mows his lawn. However, he does so only after reading in Skunk magazine that although he can smoke crab grass, dandelions and ragweed he will not get high on them. Therefore, realizing the futility of waiting until harvest season for useless smoke while enduring the angry taunts and jeers of his neighbors and possible legal action taken by the swanky housing association, of which he is a member, he relents to their pressure, conforms to suburban traditions and on this hottest day of the year mows over the buzzless crop.

-Decanus

Johnny H. 5’ 11”/ Slim/ White/ Artist and Delaware Valley native can be seen bicycling around the neighborhoods of Austin, Texas these days. So what is this hoagie eatin’ Eagles fan doing deep in the heart of Tejas? Who knows? Some people can’t help themselves and drift from bad to worse. But all isn’t gloomy for Johnny, ex-frontman for the long defunct Delco punk band The Dead Livers. After two decades of believing computer BBS and the following world wide web were just fads like pet rocks and the CB radio craziness of the ‘70’s, along with believing the many proclamations by computer industry types during those decades announcing the pending doom of Apple Computers, Johnny H has joined the rest of the world with internet access. But, not by the normal route stomped out by the ignorant of suburbia. No Microsoft and AOL bloatware on a Dell or HP for Johnny. No, he has join us in the 21st Century using a liberated iBook from the last century. A 1999 model clamshell. As a Mac diehard, I feel so warm and fuzzy inside and wanting to pick up my old Gibson SG one more time.

-Decanus