The Fat Kid reporting. . .
NEWARK -- Over the next few days Bluezer0’s minion, The Shadow, will be altogether Incommunicado while maintaining Radio Silence, both of which are, by the way, titles of lesser known (but still very good) Harvey Danger songs.
While traveling over the vast waste known only as Pennsylvania The Shadow will no longer be able to steal internet from the Japanese couple next door, or that weird building next to the laundromat that seems to be a business office of some kind, though there's no sign out front.
Computers, and even calculators, being altogether foreign, and considered somewhat akin to witch craft in the bleak and blasted landscape along rural I-70, The Shadow has decided to keep his old-school iBook hidden during the journey, lest he find himself tied to a stake. Then, once he finds himself at home amid the dusty boxes and cuddly Norway rats of the exclusive Self Storage community of Columbus, he will have to feel out the situation before he figures out exactly whose internet access it’s best to latch onto.
The exclusive Self Storage community of Columbus, Ohio. Each unit is equipped with spiders, Victor™ brand rat traps, and tough cinder block-construction. Plus, a 68 year-old Wackenhut security guard drives by once a night.
So, if you don’t hear from The Shadow or his Shadowy wife in the coming days, don’t be alarmed. Just remember, he’s safe and sound, sleeping in the train yard of some backwater, or sharpening his hobo knife in the back of some rusty and much-graffitied box car.
“Peace be unto you, or the Atheistic version of that,” says The Shadow, as he prepares to follow the ancient and no longer meaningful proverb, Go west, young man.
Comments (4)
Mr. Shadow, I do understand box car riding was only suggested for the purpose of humor and you really intend to travel thru the great state of Pennsylvania using Interstate I-70 in a rented U-haul. However, I feel the need to inform your readers hopping onto a train hobo style is against the law in Pennsylvania.
I look forward to meeting you at one of our Homeland Security Profiling, Safetybelt and Sobriety Checkpoints. Safe motoring!
Posted by Trooper Dan "Taser Happy" Johnson | July 30, 2007 3:34 PM
Posted on July 30, 2007 15:34
Which route did he take? Well, just follow the trail of pulled corks, drained wine bottles, loaded condoms and the strong scent of cheap cologne.
Posted by Decanus | July 31, 2007 2:54 PM
Posted on July 31, 2007 14:54
He’s here in Columbus. That Shadow fella’ stopped in this afternoon with his cologne and that spanish chick of his. She seemed bored and he didn’t say much except to complain about the wine selection. Fuck him! He can take the bus down the road for all I care. That damn cologne smell ruined a good cigar!
Posted by Pops Moldune | August 2, 2007 7:18 PM
Posted on August 2, 2007 19:18
I'm hoping he pimped out Consuela for gas money.
I feel very cheated by her. Fucking washer woman.
Posted by Wifely | August 3, 2007 7:05 PM
Posted on August 3, 2007 19:05