BlueZer0.net

The Shadow reporting. . .

COLUMBUS -- After driving for a ridiculous amount of time, we finally arrived here in Columbus. Things have been rough on your Shadowy reporter. It seems that the people at Self Storage had gotten wind of the story and decided to purge the whole facility nerve gas-style.

The Shadow reporting. . .

COLUMBUS -- Since arriving here, I have undertaken to get a feel for the area and its history, and have prepared a report to that effect.

The Fat Kid reporting. . .

TBILISI, GEORGIA (the former Soviet state, not the unfortunate US state) -- As reported by CNN.com, two Russian fighter jets violated Georgian air space and dropped a bomb that failed to explode, according to Georgian officials.

Abstract Thinking:

Thinking characterized by the ability to use concepts and to make and understand generalizations, such as of the properties or pattern shared by a variety of specific items or events.

The Fat Kid reporting. . .

WASHINGTON -- George W. Bush’s top political adviser, Karl Rove, was recalled to hell after serving an earthbound stint of 1300 years. After securing his place in history by stealing two presidential elections, and catalyzing the coming apocalypse, Rove found that his work for the Dark Lord was finished, and he was free to return to his master and be rewarded for having worked so hard.

Waterford -- Jared Buckalew of the Anti-Lizard Space Party proclaims that the United States should reserve the right to bomb sports stadiums and hall of fame shrines in retaliation for animal abuse on America's pets.