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Mr. Buckalew was speaking before a local PETA chapter in response to recent accusations of domestic feline neglect raised by Count von Wilsey of the Standard OIL and its Subsidiaries Party. These accusations were first reported here on BZ.

Mr. Buckalew: Dudes, I deny any abuse in my household and I never forget to feed... err... what’s her name?...

Audience member: Kisses the cat, pothead!

Mr. Buckalew: Yeah, Kisses. Look, dudes, she’s always been skinny. She’s a skinny cat. [drawing in a long hit from his now famous “honey-bear” bong, then coughing uncontrollably releasing a cloud of second hand smoke filling the room] Anyway, I like animals, well the ones native to this planet.

Kisses the cat looking well fed in this undated picture provided by the Buckalew Estate's Public Relations Office

Camouflage wearing audience member: Tell 'em hun, you’ve got a tree and shit growing through your back steps. You’re an animal lover.

Mr. Buckalew: Yeah, thanks baby, I wanna make habitat for the birds and squirrels and stuff.

New growth bird habitat located on the grounds of the Buckalew Estate

George Soros funded, angry, bitter, mouth foaming, closet communist audience member: Liar! Gun owning Liar! You’re just too damn lazy to feed your cat. You should be in jail with Michael Vick and that meat eater Bush!

Mr. Buckalew: That’s not true! I’m not like that football guy. Dudes, if I’m elected, I’m going to explain to those fur coat wearing athletes that their abuse of man’s best friend is an attack on American family values and will be followed by military strikes on sport complexes around the nation. Yeah dudes, bomb the stadiums, bomb the Hall of Fame!

Audience member: Aren’t you pandering for the poodle vote with that statement?

Mr. Buckalew: Pandering? Nah, dude, I only do girls.

Suddenly, the mocking laughter, rude body noises and bird sounds emanating from the audience became too loud and the meeting was adjourned.

-Decanus