The Fat Kid reporting. . .
TBILISI, GEORGIA (the former Soviet state, not the unfortunate US state) -- As reported by CNN.com, two Russian fighter jets violated Georgian air space and dropped a bomb that failed to explode, according to Georgian officials.
Russia and Georgia have been bickering since the break up of the Soviet Union. Georgia claims the bombing might be retaliation after Georgia’s recent efforts to join the European Union. In the past, Russia has accused Georgia of being too western, while Georgia has accused Russia of being too insular and controlling. Georgia claims to have a sarcastic email from Russia, saying, “So you found another union already, huh? Hope they like slutty bitch states.”
The unexploded 700 kilogram bomb being inspected by a Georgian bomb expert. “It says, ‘Made in Taiwan’” he commented.
When questioned about the bombing, Russian officials said, “What? Someone dropped a bomb over there? That’s fucked up.” When informed of Georgia’s accusation, they said, “Nope. Wasn’t us.” When confronted with radar evidence showing the two jets that delivered the bomb came from Russian territory, and returned in that direction after the attack, they said, “Damn, that’s fucked up. But it wasn’t us. If we find out who it was, we’ll let you know, but I haven’t heard anything.”
The Cessna Skycatcher, Russia’s most advanced plane since the discontinuation of the MiG-35 in 1989.’
Georgian officials, however, did not back down. They cited Russia’s recent purchase of discount bombs, as well as three Cessna Skycatchers in an effort to bulk up a very clunky post-cold war military. They said the highly advanced Skycatchers were likely the planes used in the attack.
“Nope. Wrong again,” said the Russians. “We just spent $300,000 on planes. Where are we getting this phantom gas money from after a purchase like that?” It is a well known fact that Russia’s mom won’t loan it anymore money.
Russia’s last MiG-35 needs a transmission, and has a blown head gasket.
“We know it was them.” Georgian officials, muttered. They’re so jealous. They did the same think when Kazakhstan tried to join the Potassium Producers Union.”
Comments (8)
Russia says Georgia using pig corpses for 'biological terrorism'
Ok, now I like to see how the exceptional natural capacity of intellect spins this into another article about Jared? Hehe
Posted by Decanus | August 10, 2007 11:42 PM
Posted on August 10, 2007 23:42
Mr. Anonymous, thank you for the link. However it seems you failed to see the hidden meanings and code words in this version of the story. But don't feel bad, my man has an exceptional natural capacity of intellect and he's tricky and witty with words. Clearly to those who follow BZ and are familiar with his tricky wit, this article is about Jared.
Posted by Wifely(not really) | August 8, 2007 11:20 AM
Posted on August 8, 2007 11:20
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/08/07/russia.georgia.reut/index.html
Posted by Anonymous | August 8, 2007 9:57 AM
Posted on August 8, 2007 09:57
Come on, it's about Jared. It's always about Jared. Jared on top. Jared from behind and so on. Well, for two minutes at a time, but it's about Jared.
Posted by Jared's Mirror | August 8, 2007 7:39 AM
Posted on August 8, 2007 07:39
Ok, I’m burning up my batteries figuring out this cognitive linguistics experiment. Is it an analogy or is it a metaphor? A simile? Parable? An allegory? Just what the hell is this post about?
Posted by Camo's Vibrator | August 8, 2007 6:47 AM
Posted on August 8, 2007 06:47
I saw that MiG parked in front of my 7-Eleven on Rt.40 and Porter Road. The filthy infidel pilot looked worried and upset as he paced around smoking one cigarette after another. When he finally took off his leaky plane left a giant oil stain in front of my store!
Posted by Mahmoud | August 8, 2007 6:06 AM
Posted on August 8, 2007 06:06
Is it true that despite the best efforts of the Russian pilot to keep things on the down low using a suite of electronic jamming technologies, the Georgians, in their trendy camo uniforms, were able to identify the Russian plot immediately, anyway? I read online, the Rense.com I think, a witness spotted a Sticky Purple Sativa bumper sticker located on the rudder of the MiG? Another witness claimed the pilot flew so low, a grim reaper figurine could be seen on the MiG’s dash just above the cd player and Marilyn Manson’s Dance of the Dope Hats could be heard over the rattle of the plane's loose exhaust pipe. Can any of this be true?
Posted by Pimples Malone | August 8, 2007 5:40 AM
Posted on August 8, 2007 05:40
Well, those close to the situation can read the writing on the wall. Surely more financial troubles are ahead adding increasing pressure on their relations.
Posted by Decanus | August 7, 2007 11:32 PM
Posted on August 7, 2007 23:32