The Fat Kid reporting. . .
TBILISI, GEORGIA (the former Soviet state, not the unfortunate US state) -- As reported by CNN.com, two Russian fighter jets violated Georgian air space and dropped a bomb that failed to explode, according to Georgian officials.
Russia and Georgia have been bickering since the break up of the Soviet Union. Georgia claims the bombing might be retaliation after Georgia’s recent efforts to join the European Union. In the past, Russia has accused Georgia of being too western, while Georgia has accused Russia of being too insular and controlling. Georgia claims to have a sarcastic email from Russia, saying, “So you found another union already, huh? Hope they like slutty bitch states.”
The unexploded 700 kilogram bomb being inspected by a Georgian bomb expert. “It says, ‘Made in Taiwan’” he commented.
When questioned about the bombing, Russian officials said, “What? Someone dropped a bomb over there? That’s fucked up.” When informed of Georgia’s accusation, they said, “Nope. Wasn’t us.” When confronted with radar evidence showing the two jets that delivered the bomb came from Russian territory, and returned in that direction after the attack, they said, “Damn, that’s fucked up. But it wasn’t us. If we find out who it was, we’ll let you know, but I haven’t heard anything.”
The Cessna Skycatcher, Russia’s most advanced plane since the discontinuation of the MiG-35 in 1989.’
Georgian officials, however, did not back down. They cited Russia’s recent purchase of discount bombs, as well as three Cessna Skycatchers in an effort to bulk up a very clunky post-cold war military. They said the highly advanced Skycatchers were likely the planes used in the attack.
“Nope. Wrong again,” said the Russians. “We just spent $300,000 on planes. Where are we getting this phantom gas money from after a purchase like that?” It is a well known fact that Russia’s mom won’t loan it anymore money.
Russia’s last MiG-35 needs a transmission, and has a blown head gasket.
“We know it was them.” Georgian officials, muttered. They’re so jealous. They did the same think when Kazakhstan tried to join the Potassium Producers Union.”