A Decanus-Fat Kid Joint. . .
COLUMBUS -- As BlueZer0 staff and crew were settling into their spacious hobo camp-adjacent digs, several workers uncovered what turned out to be a Biaviian antigravity device on loan to the Buckalew estate.
The unpacking process being long and tedious, just today the strange-looking and obviously otherworldly device was discovered in the storage area.
The device was left in the old east wing before BlueZer0 opened up shop there, and when they were removing themselves it came along accidentally. The BZ wage slave responsible said, “So, it was just there by this pile of stuff, and that one dude said, ‘Yo, move that shit!’ So I moved it. And, um, now it’s here.”
After realizing that it did not belong to BZ owner/CEO Decanus, he contacted Buckalew, resulting in the following makeshift phone interview:
Buckalew: That hand truck isn’t mine, dick.
BZ: So, you’re saying it belongs to interstellar traveller/bus driver Tan? That makes sense. It’s clearly built of a crystalline alloy not of this earth. Can you tell us about the material?
Buckalew: Look, I stole it from work, and if they find out that it’s missing I’m going to get fired!
BZ: So, you’re saying it’s solid-state, fired carbon fiber?
Buckalew: I need it back. Seriously, you have to send it to me.
BZ: So, Tan and the rest of the Biaviians are expecting it back soon?
Buckalew: Be serious! I’m going to lose my job!
BZ: So, Tan and the Biaviians lent it to you under the condition that you didn’t let any other earthlings see it? That seems to make sense. It is far too advanced for us, and we’d clearly blow ourselves up with that kind of technology.
Buckalew: Look, I’m asking you nicely to mail it to me or something. Or maybe you can bring it back and come out for the weekend or something?
BZ: What do they need it for? There is no gravity in space. Or is it for when they are on their planet? Is it a particularly large planet with high gravity?
At this time the phone went dead.
Comments (4)
Master Buckalew, if you need to head out to Lowe's to replace the Biaviian device, stop at the pet store for some kibble, ok?
Posted by Kisses the Cat | September 23, 2007 7:28 PM
Posted on September 23, 2007 19:28
Dude, I accept full responsibility for the fucking thing. I was the one that borrowed the fucker and I’m responsible for its care, security and timely return. I’ll make sure those fat bastards return it or I’ll replace the shit because I am a stand up dude that never tries to weasel out of my responsibilities. Even during the most difficult times, like when my ass herpes flare up and I need to spend many hours and days smoking pot and surfing porn as part of the remedy, I still find the time to take care of my obligations. I’m not the kind of shithead that would use some junior high school boy excuse like “Dude, I’m not a mindreader, how’d I know the butthead would take the shit? Dude, it’s not my fault!” and then believe I’m no longer under any obligation to the owner of the fucking shit.
Posted by Jared(not really) | September 23, 2007 7:15 PM
Posted on September 23, 2007 19:15
While it is true that this is a Biaviian-related device, it is not an anti-gravity device. Some of Tan's friends don't have legs. But they do have long arms and small wheels on their butts. This is actually an interstellar wheelchair. It's also occasionally used to subdue humans.
Oh, it also belongs to me and I would appreciate it's return.
Posted by Absinthe-swilling neighbor | September 22, 2007 10:48 AM
Posted on September 22, 2007 10:48
"Post the picture of the Fat Kid."-Wifely
Here it is, Fat the Bat posing next to the Biaviian device.
Posted by Pimples Malone | September 18, 2007 8:56 PM
Posted on September 18, 2007 20:56