BlueZer0.net

After being tossed out of his lovely apartment, and finding a new one, he then proceeded to investigate the lovely and prestigious [Censored] State University campus. BZ sources report that as he tried to enter Orton Hall, he was accosted by security guards, and escorted off the grounds.

[Censored] State University’s Orton Hall, from which that fat fuck was ejected.

The school issued a statement to the press, claiming they received an anonymous tip that The Shadow was a fraud. They played part of the phone message at the press conference:

“That fat fucker never went to school, dude. He just drank and sat around eating all day. And making fun of me. All day with the ‘lizard’ comments and shit. He’s a fuckin’ butthole, dude [takes bong hit, chokes].”

The caller went on to allege that The Shadow is in fact a high school drop out who has a long arrest record, featuring such classy offenses as shop-lifting, loitering, drug possession, domestic violence, and entering a voting booth with the intention to vote Democratic. Soon to be added to that list is fraud. The University looked into the claims and found that they were true.

According to University officials, his arrest record alone was enough to dismiss him for ethical violations, but when they realized the transcript was fake, the admissions board acted quickly. “It looked perfect, just like an official transcript from any university, but if he never went to high school, it follows that his transcript must be fake. He must have paid a lot of money to get that forgery done, or maybe he bribed someone in the registrar’s office. We’re still scratching our heads about it,” said one board member.

The Shadow’s “transcript” which was clearly forged with a 38¢ Bic™.

Since The Shadow’s ejection, he has been busy. BZ’s Columbus bureau has discovered that The Shadow has been planning the web-release of his first book, entitled Bright Clouds, Dark Shadows, and has plans to open his own institute for the study of aliens and government conspiracies.

Those of you who are literate may remember a previous story wherein The Shadow professed a desire to study aliens, and use that knowledge to “move information,” which was why he was going to school in Columbus, that gay Paris of the Rust Belt, in the first place. It now appears that The Shadow has decided not to bother getting his degree, and to study and write about aliens at his own institute, L’École Des Beaux-Lézards. Sources say he has secured squatter’s right to a building just outside of Columbus, where he has a desk (though no chair yet) and an oil lamp, as well as lots of hay, and mice.

The Shadow’s newly opened École Des Beaux-Lézards in Columbus, Ohio. Suckers get in free!

The Shadow’s new institute lies in the middle of a secluded field on an abandoned farm, which he claims is the right environment for several reasons. The sky at night is a sufficiently dark background against which to see alien activity, and there are no police around to mess with him about fraud, or pick him up on warrants of trafficking in white slaves or weed.

When asked what his intentions were, The Shadow refused to comment, however, he said he would grant this reporter an interview within a few days. So, stay logged in. As a matter of fact, continually change your IP address, and then log in, so that we can get the hit count up and start selling advertising space on this site!