The Fat Kid reporting. . .
COLUMBUS -- Just a day after BlueZer0 reported that The Shadow had been ousted from the [Censored] State University, and had, like a disgruntled Aristotle, opened his own school, L’École des Beaux-Lézards I spoke with that very same Shadow on the neutral ground of O’Ryan’s Pub.
Fat Kid’s Note: I wanted to speak with him in his new school building, but he said that the structure was still unsafe, and that until he duct taped some 2x4’s up, he couldn’t let anyone in there other than Consuela.
BZ: So, BlueZer0 reported on your being kicked out of school. What did you think of the coverage?
TS: Total bullshit.
BZ: Um, sorry?
TS: You couldn’t be expected to see the real truth of what’s going on, so I don’t blame you. They buried the truth, which is that they knew I was a fraud from day one, and they knew my documents were forged. What they didn’t know was that I had a theory that included them.
BZ: Are you saying that [Censored] State University is implicated in your book?
TS: No. They aren’t named, but what I do in the book is totally out [as a verb] the scientific and medical community, in both of which they have a vested interest. [Censored] State has not just a hospital, but a huge hospital complex. They have a general hospital, a cancer hospital, several medical plazas, they do all their own radiology, their own blood work, their own tissue cultures. Not to mention that the various other science departments at the University are some of the most widely known and respected in the country. By outing that community, basically destroying, shattering their reputation and credibility, I am damaging the University’s image indirectly. So, they cooked up the fraud story, as if they weren’t privy to all that to begin with, and then paid that fucking pot head fifteen bucks to call me out on tape.
BZ: That sounds bad. But we have sources that say that you are the one who is reacting to them. They claim that their admissions department let you in because you seemed promising based on your professional work rather than your academic credentials, but that since you lied about your arrest record, they tossed you.
TS: Nope. Total lie.
BZ: I see. So, what does the book have to say about the scientific community that is so damning?
TS: Well, I don’t want to spoil sales, er, downloads, or whatever, so I’m not going to spill that here. But what I will say is that I just run a wrecking ball through the scientific and medical communities, effectively showing that they report what they’re paid to, and I directly contradict their findings on several ostensibly “settled” scientific facts.
BZ: Wow, that sounds like a pretty tall order there. I don’t mean to sound insulting or anything, but as an admitted high school drop out, are you certain you’re qualified to make those kinds of determinations? Scientific issues are “settled” as you say, by committee. That is, one scientist will publish results in a journal, and in order to get published in that journal his methods have to be correct, his study has to be designed properly, and his results have to logically follow from the premises. A board of editors has to agree that those criteria are met, and then the point of publishing is to submit this work for peer review. That is, it’s published so that other scientists can read it and check the work, and if it’s important enough, they even reproduce the original experiment and see whether they get the same results. Only after all these checks are made, and the scientific community reaches a consensus, do they consider anything “settled.”
TS: Don’t insult me, you fat fucker. I know all that. You think I’m stupid just because I never graduated high school?
BZ: No, I just think it’s quite a thing to claim to be able to dispute settled issues of science by yourself, and with no training, facilities, or equipment. It’s not impossible, but it looks unlikely to me.
TS: Well, I have things under control. You can check my methods, you can easily, easily reproduce my experiments and get the same results, and you can follow my logic, which is flawless. No trouble. I can stand up to that kind of scrutiny with perfect serenity.
BZ: Wow. I have to admit that you seem supremely confident.
TS: Of course I am. I wouldn’t make claims like these unless I was absolutely certain. And even if I was certain, I still wouldn’t make these claims unless I could back them up and show that they are true.
BZ: So what’s the deal with the school? I mean, couldn’t you have written your book and released it, too, without opening your own school?
TS: Yes, but there are other things at issue here. When I attack the scientists and doctors, I’m effectively invalidating the existence of every major school. There must be a place where people will be trained to resist what they’re being told, and come to their own common sense conclusions that are also verifiable through scientific experiments. I’ve undertaken to do that myself. At L’École we’re going to remake science. Furthermore, [Censored] State is too mainstream a school for me. Their department of Alien Studies is small, and they don’t have other departments of the sort that I would like to see in a prestigious school.
BZ: Such as?
TS: Departments of Conspiratorial Studies, Governmental Rhetoric, and Unexplained Studies.
BZ: What is that last one?
TS: I’m not going to get into that.
BZ: Can you tell us anything else about the book without spilling it?
TS: Well, as you know it’s called Bright Clouds, Dark Shadows.
BZ: And to what does that refer, exactly?
TS: Can’t get into that other than to say that the title has to do with some of the claims I’m talking about making. But really, I won’t say more than that on the topic.
BZ: All right, well, we’re really looking forward to it.