BlueZer0.net

Having decided that the style of ghost hunting currently en vogue is insufficient, I have created my own style, and designed and built equipment suited to the task. Rather than stumbling through an allegedly haunted area for a single night with cameras and equipment bulging everywhere, I decided that a simpler, long-term study was the way to go.

Using the same method Elias Lonnröt and Tex Avery used to capture photos of the never before seen Pipsquack Bird (Avius pipsquackus torofœcesus) I built special sensors, designed to detect the presence of spirit activity, and connected them to some twenty dollar digital cameras, which I then set up all over the haunted two-bedroom of Chåteau Clintonville.

Were there ghosts? You never doubted that. And was I successful in capturing images of them? Does The Shadow ever fail? Nope.

I was able to capture several pics of a full-bodied apparition stalking le Chåteau. The following are some of the choicest captures.

Calisthenics for the Recently Deceased, part one -- tricep stretches.

Just standing there the way good photographic subjects do in totally non-fake pictures.

Chillin’ chillin’. The ghost is reading my wife’s (I swear it’s hers) People magazine, about that cow-fucker who’s drilling Nicole Kidman these days. Coincidence? You be the judge.

And the moral of the story is: when you apply yourself assiduously you can prove anything at all using “science.”

Next up (that is, within the calendar year, probably): Seance with the damned!