In the lobby, like a child at a Christmas tree, The Fat Kid rips into the packaging. Joy! Joy and more joy! But, as anyone familiar with the world of BZ should know, the demons responsible for creating failure and anguish and frustration and loathing are always lurking nearby. In the shadows, they giggle and point at their unsuspecting target as they wait for their latest plan to unfold and ensnare.

Later that night, during the regular BZ staff meeting, not too long after the first beers are opened, it becomes clear, The Fat Kid's mood isn't joyful. The iPod will not take a charge and he can't get it to sync with his iTunes.

However, it's only his first evening with the iPod, perhaps overnight, with the help of Apple's support forums, he'll work it out. It doesn't always turn into a time consuming and painful cluster fuck of failure for BZ staffers and their new gizmos and gadgets, does it? This time could be different, right? It won't end with smoke, flames and big black boots stomping overpriced crap, will it?

Later in the week:

BZ: A quick scan of the [parterres de broderie] beneath your [Parisian Balcony] has revealed no signs of smashed and scattered iPod bits and pieces. So [we're] assuming you have made progress and your iPod is pumping the jams?

TFK: Nope. Still doesn't work. I contacted the seller, and first they sent me a form-email about when my window for buying a warranty closes, then they sent me an email essentially saying that I had to buy a power adapter. I emailed them back saying that the battery didn't hold a charge, and that it was guaranteed to. Then they sent me a link to apple's iPod troubleshooting page.

So, in order to avoid heart attacks, strokes, embolisms, aneurysms, and other potentially fatal stress-induced brain/major organ malfunctions, I have put it more or less out of my mind. I mean, it's sitting in a box (like a little iPod coffin) next to my desk, so I still have to look at the fucking thing every minute, but I've decided there's nothing I can do about it til school's over. Right now the plan is to work on my papers til they're done, then go to the Apple store @ Easton Mall, and see what they have to say, and then if the seller won't make it right (I'm expecting bad news from the Apple Store) I'll raise hell with the seller and/or BBB. I found them on the BBB website, and they've had 8 complaints over the last 36 months, but their status is "satisfactory." I don't know what exactly to expect out of this.

In case you're interested, by the way, the seller is MobilePC.com

-Decanus