BlueZer0.net

But this past week, they launched an attack under cover of darkness, when they knew they’d catch us all indoors, by bringing in the clouds and dumping almost two feet of frozen mind control drugs on us.

This car is covered in pure “snow.” Better hope he doesn’t get pulled over.

This strange gravity-defying "snow" drift was oozing over the edge of the building, and trying to cover the window of my fat ass office.

I would direct those morons who think “snow” is just harmless “water” not only to The Shadow’s eBook but also to those slow-to-catch-on mass media outlets, like The New York Times who have read the eBook and now want to act like establishment-sponsored (rather than Shadowtastic) science is responsible for uncovering this information.

However, thanks to our very bestest pal The Shadow, and his super-informative, and even prophetic eBook, we were able to resist the influence of the drugs, and disregard the telepathic messages sent by the intra-sycamore computers. However, it appears that they didn’t stop there.

Since the “snow” storm (I was going to call it a drug storm, but that sounds too much like drug store*), there have been strange stirrings around the Clintonville chateaux. Over the past few months, BZ photographers have picked up odd images such as alien footprints, and strange lights in the sky, followed by sightings of cigar-shaped UFOs. These strange happenings have frequently been followed by bigfoot sightings.

These tracks indicate that there have been several kinds of aliens walking through the parking lot.

One yokel, with an Australian outback outfit on, said that this cigar-shaped UFO left behind a vapor trail which he counter-acted with weed smoke. In just a few minutes, he saw bigfoot.

This particular sasquatch was sighted on top of Chateau 4030, home of the BZ offices.


This maintenance man investigated the area where the sasquatch was seen, and said he found some hair, but that it was his own. No other evidence was found, except metal fatigue, which the maintenance guy claimed could be due either to heavy traffic of immense bipedal primates unknown to science, or age and poor maintenance. "It could go either way," he said.

Owner, president, dean, and professor of L’École Des Beaux Lézards, The Shadow, has shown me an as yet unpublished paper (which he may at some point extend into a book) detailing the theory that the reason we can never actually catch a bigfoot may not be that they have magic powers, but rather that they are alien agents who are dropped off periodically to do alien leg work, as it were, and then are picked up. The Shadow claims that evidence gathered by BZ and submitted to him supports this thesis. According to his Shadowiness, it appears that the sasquatches are surveilling BZ at the behest of aliens. No good can come of this.

This immense track clearly shows what primatologists call dermal ridges, a trait possessed only by primates and really good dogs.

These pictures were taken after a BZ staffer saw a bigfoot “dumpster diving.” According to the staffer, he came out with some documents BZ’s Decanus had just thrown away. He also appeared to have rescued a recently-tossed-out 600MhZ iBook G3 with a trackball mouse, a combination that may have fetched as much as 80¢ on eBay, if it hadn’t been a display model. Upon further investigation, the staffer found that there was also an old CRT monitor in the dumpster, but the cartoon image of some naked slut that must have been a long-time desktop was burned into the screen, and it was too heavy and clunky for even the mighty sasquatch to carry.

So, beware Clintonvillians! There are strange happenings and doings and etc. in the area, and who knows what may happen next? Only The Shadow knows (duh)! Check back for updates!

*On the first day of my summer vacation, I got up. Then I went downtown. To look for a job. Then I hung out in front of the drug store.