After fleeing L’École Des Beaux Lézards, I followed the Olentangy River South, hoping to eventually reach Georgia, where I have some relatives who might have let me stay with them. However, on entering the Upper Arlington area I decided to stop for the night, and sleep under a bridge -- the very same bridge that marks the four-way intersection of road, river, cemetery, and circle. However, in the dark of the woods, I couldn’t see that those things were there. All I knew was that the bridge was shelter. That night I awoke to a light show, caused by bright silver saucers headed South, seeming to land at the building to which the radio tower in that fat fuck’s latest article is attached.

An artist’s re-creation of the vehicles described by The Shadow. They can withstand temperatures of up to 350º but get a bit flimsy if you wash them.

When I realized what was happening, I climbed up from my make-shift bed on the abutment, and saw one of the saucers hovering directly overhead. Having recently been chased to hell and back by craft of this kind, I was somewhat nervous, so I immediately went back under the bridge to wait for morning. At first light I searched the area, and that was when I found the stone circle in the graveyard. I inspected the markings closely, and though they were very worn, the ancient symbol of sticks and a rectangle was definitely present. How that symbol got from Lesser Babylon to Columbus, Ohio is clear -- it was carried by the grays.

After days of surveillance and snooping in the field, and research in the famed Orne Library, at Miskatonic University, I have confirmed several hypotheses. First, the Global Scheme to Keep People Fat and Then Take Their Money as They Lose Feet from Diabetes and Die From Cancer has bases all over the Ohio River Valley, and the area extending down to the mouth of the Mississippi. Where the Mississippi river terminates, it is a straight shot across the Gulf of Mexico to the ancient Mayan city of Chichen Itza, the site of the mysterious Mexican Pyramid, El Castillo, which in turn is a straight shot East across the Atlantic (and several countries), to the Great Pyramids of Egypt. The geographic alignment of distant sites is quite typical of Alien/Government conspiracies, as it allows the incoming aliens to navigate Earth more easily, and this is just more evidence to throw on the pile.

The Mississippi empties out into the Gulf of Mexico, right across from the Mexican pyramid -- “A” marks the spot of the Mexican pyramid. Several thousand miles East lies the Sudan, but if you pretend Egypt is there instead of Sudan, this makes sense (sort of).

Regarding the Chateaux themselves, they each rest on ancient mounds, which formerly served as burial sites for native Americans, and fueling stations for intergalactic vehicles. As The Fat Kid noted, unexplained activity is often centered around cemeteries. What The Fat Kid did not note, because he did not know, is the reason for this -- they are cheap sources of energy. The mechanics are more complicated, but the upshot is that the same way we burn fossil fuels, they burn people fuels. In any case, the mounds on which the Chateaux rest have long since been truncated, paved over, and built upon to provide more lasting structures. Erosion takes its toll on earthen mounds, but cement is a little more permanent. The Mexican Chateau, which lies on flat ground, must mark the site of a mound that was razed by frontier-era Christians, who thought it too closely resembled a breast, and was therefore awesome but forbidden, like everything good is to Christians.

One of the Great Chateaux of Clintonville in profile, showing the ancient burial mound that makes up its foundation.

What will happen next, I cannot say. However, it is highly likely that they spotted The Fat Kid (they could spot him from space), and that they therefore assume I am in the area as well. There will certainly be fallout from this.

The Shadow did not comment on the aforementioned loose ends, nor did he respond to email inquiries. However, as I now know where he sleeps, I will find out.