BlueZer0.net

Lez go with Patty Hearst...

These days, the self-help genre is inundated with texts filled with promises to improve any number of skills that we consider important to daily life. Ironically, few instructional essays have been written which address how one is to improve one’s odds of surviving an apocalypse. The dangerously sparse amount of literature on the apocalypse tends to be speculative or fanciful at best. This essay presents mental and physical courses of action which should be implemented immediately by anyone wishing to survive an apocalyptic disaster.

The Fat Kid reporting. . .

Upper Arlington – Things are crazy in Ohio at this time of year, so there haven't been many updates to the site lately. Big things are in the works, but until they are posted, I've decided to hold you over (and keep the sponsors happy) by using content from other websites.

As many of you will be pissed off about how infrequently our site is updated, I'm sure that at least some of you will have gotten the idea of starting your own websites, which I'm sure is a great idea. To help facilitate your awesome new site, check out this tutorial:

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail51.html

And keep checking back for updates, because it will be updated soon!

The Third Fictional Reporter reporting. . .

Clintonville – The chateau has been quiet since the death of C’Ville’s erstwhile master of the hoedown, Gary Doe. However, in recent weeks, BZ staffers seem to have come out of hibernation like snakes in the spring. To wit; almost three weeks ago, Pimples Malone was seen getting drunk in the back parking lot, where he encountered the ominous and elusive Shadow, who drank like half his beer and didn’t even offer him any money for it or anything.

The Third Fictional Reporter reporting. . .

Upper Arlington – After several consecutive seasons in which BZ has made predictions that didn’t come true, or left loose ends, or ended with cliffhangers that were never resolved, I finally got angry enough to track down The Shadow in his under-bridge apartment which he now shares, by the way, with several hobos and about ten thousand body lice, and make him explain. The following interview was transcribed verbatim.

The Shadowtastic apartment, which is now much less roomy. And has more hobos than ever.