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The simple truth is this: what I’ve found beneath the Olentangy are remnants of one of the oldest and most advanced civilizations the world has ever seen. They had the technology to carve, transport, and stack stone blocks several times larger than the immense blocks the Egyptians used to build the pyramids – which latter were impossibly huge to begin with. This means either that the Olentangeans had diesel cranes more advanced than those we use today, or that someone or something helped them. It is my staunch belief that the thing that helped them was alien technology.

As many of you may know, the biblical story of the flood was actually a mythic retelling of a real event. The fact of the matter is that at the end of the last ice age, the sea level rose dramatically, and as it did so, it covered the then-existing shorelines, burying seaside cities like Yonaguni, for example, under tens, hundreds, and in some cases thousands of feet of water. Based on what I found during my hours of study, and my own survey of the river, I believe that when the last ice age ended and the waters rose, this flood caused not just the sea levels to rise, but the lakelevels in the US Great Lakes to rise. The Great Lakes, being the major tributaries of the mighty Olentangy, in turn caused a huge change in the river level. This rise in sea-, lake-, and ultimately riverlevel caused the Olenteangean Society to disappear, down beneath the tides. Even alien technology was not enough to save them.

How did I reach this super-obvious but just-as-obviously-ridiculous conclusion? Unlike jerk-offs that rely on other people’s books, or scientifically established facts, I went out and worked, I collected data, and put the data together. After writing my last article, reminding myself of the Ancient Astronauts Theory, and considering the similarities between Pumapunku and the strange sites up and down the Olentangy, I thought it most expedient to survey the entire river, or as far north and as far south as the range of sites extends. The results of that survey follow.

The Clintonville Steppes, an Olentangean site, covered in poison ivy and goose poop.

The northernmost site is north of the city, roughly adjacent to Clintonville, where we find a steppe structure, not unlike the pyramids of Chichen Itza, right at the river’s edge (starring Crispin Glover). This structure seems to have been part of a vast inland port, which would have allowed the ancient peoples of the upper kingdom of the Olentangy Valley to transport goods up and down the river, which at that time was much smaller and shallower. The steppes are built of super-heavy stone, and covered in poison ivy, which resurrects the questions, How did they carve, move, and assemble these stones? and Did the ancients have calamine lotion? They must have had some kind of poison ivy-proof material that, as best we can tell, didn’t exist when these ruins were first built 10,000 years BC – more evidence for ancient astronauts. That much aside, one look tells you that there is more to these structures below the water level – there’s no way around this conclusion.

This stairway to nowhere, carved into the steppe (as opposed to step, because you know sometimes words have two meanings) wall, probably led down to a dock before the world-wide flood that covered many ancient sites of grand civilizations like Yonaguni and Mahabalipuram, not to mention the little homestead and stone tools of some ancient jerk-ass cavemen who lived at the bottom of what is now the Solent channel in southeastern England.

There is nothing significant (so it seems for the moment, anyway) between Clintonville and Upper Arlington, home of yours truly, and that one fat fucker who posts terribly silly and inaccurate articles on here sometimes. At Upper Arlington, just south of my bridge, there are the remains of an ancient stone structure that seems to have been the largest in the river. The massive blocks, and pieces of blocks, that lie there seem to have been either blown apart, as with artillery, or destroyed and smashed to pieces by an earthquake. It is also possible that as the ancient floodwaters rose, the flow of the river itself toppled the structure, which was then crushed under its own weight.

This block, featured in an earlier article, is located among the remains of a ruin that was probably the largest structure in the Olentangean complex.

This is a pic of those same mammoth ruins from another angle. What was it that smashed these once grand stone blocks to pieces?

Also found in the vicinity of this ruin are other stone blocks of various sizes and shapes. For instance, I found a very strange block that, has three holes rather than the traditional two. I also found somewhat smaller blocks that have just a single hole. I have not yet figured out what to make of that, nor have I figured out what relation the Arlington ruins bear to the new/old Upper Arlington monument, or the Mexican Chateau, but there must be a connection.

This unique three-holed block, the only one of its kind so far, lies in deeper water, near the Arlington ruins, and a stand of bald cypress.

These smaller one-holed blocks are also unique to Upper Arlington.

South of Upper Arlington, the next significant site is just to the stern of Lane Avenue. Turtles Be Chillin’ Here Island, as it is sometimes known, today looks like a very large sandbar, or a very small island, as it consists of but a few square miles. Though the island didn’t appear on any of the maps that I checked, there is much oral history of the place. As I wandered around the base of the bridge, I asked a very dirty man what the island was called. “Turtles Be Chillin’ Here,” he replied. And in fact turtles do be chillin’ there.

Turtles, softshell turtles, to be one degree more specific, seen here chillin’ on the island that bears their name. Oh, and the pic at the very top of this article is a wide-angle shot of Turtles Be Chillin’ Here Island.

A close look at the island reveals that it was the major landmass of this area of the river, because it is composed mainly of soil, while the protrusion to the north that is comprised mainly of mussel shells and gravel was their landfill.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!