The Fat Kid reporting. . .
Upper Arlington – Here in the Fat Cave, things have been pretty calm recently due to The Shadow’s having taken the helm with his reports on Olentangea and the new/old Upper Arlington monument. However, early this morning, toward the very end of Coast to Coast AM (with George Noory), I received the following email:
Sup, man?
The space bus ticket business is bad. I’m on my way.
–Decanus
The original style space bus ticket was phased out in the summer of 2008.
The new style space bus tickets, designed by BZ’s own Decanus, are drawn with the aim of “doing something different, and primal, that goes back to the roots of humanity, really the childhood of humanity, to represent our roots not only to other people of Earth, but to everyone in the universe. These are new symbols that, with just one look, will tell any alien what kinds of beings human beings are.”
After some difficulties (Decanus, like Paul Vario, hates phones, and won’t have one in his house), I was able to get Decanus on the phone and conduct the following faithfully transcribed interview:
FK: Dude, so, you’re coming home? What’s up with that?
D: Um, things aren’t going so well in space.
FK: I see. Anything in particular the matter?
D: Surprisingly, it turns out that Obama’s 8 trillion dollar bailout did not extend to intergalactic graphics design and common carrier firms. So, when the shit came down economy-wise, Tan’s Intergalactic Bus Service, Inc. was hit hard. They started trying to tread water by laying off drivers and reducing routes, but that didn’t work out that well. The bus firm’s demographic wasn’t really able to pay the $30 ticket price regardless. They used to write sometimes and claim to know us, or something, and try to get us to send them free tickets and stuff, but after a while we had to cut them off. Some of them started abusing the system and had three or four tickets, none of which were paid for. So, the tickets weren't selling, and the business started sinking and eventually drowned. Tan’s Intergalactic Bus Service, Inc. is no more.
FK: So, what are you going to do with yourself back on the earth? Are you going into ticket design?
D: No, no, that business is kind of dead. Especially on earth, where bus tickets are pretty plain. I have some things in mind. I’m looking for a record label, sort of. I’m looking into getting involved with the community. You know, this and that.
FK: It looks, then, like you’re not coming back to BlueZer0.
D: Who knows? I have several things lined up. I have a nice little loot stash from my year of working on Biaveh. When that runs out I might come back, or I might come back anyway.
FK: So, how are you going to get back to Earth? Is someone going to give you a ride?
D: No, I’m coming by space bus.
The famous Zeta Reticuli star system, where the new space bus will make local stops.
Omicron Persei 8 – the next space bus stop.
Tweenis 12, thought to have been destroyed by the brain spawn, is the last stop before earth.
FK: I thought Tan’s Intergalactic went under?
D: Well, it did, but a group of investors bought it, and re-branded it, and are trying to run it on a skeleton crew, with reduced prices, and recycled ticket designs. It's now called Grays' Discount Space Bus Tours and Lines.
FK: I thought the space bus wasn’t coming until 2012.
D: That’s the number 7. The number 7 doesn’t come to Earth til 2012, but the number 2 comes every fifteen minutes. It starts on Biaveh, then makes local stops throughout the Zeta Reticuli binary system, then out to Omicron Persei 8, then Tweenis 12, then Earth.
FK: When do you expect to get here?
D: Oh, sometime in the next couple days.
FK: I see. Well, I guess we’ll see you then.
D: Yeah, probably not. I have some things to do. Though I should stop by to pick up my cat skeleton. . .
