The Shadow reporting. . .
Victorian Village – After several contiguous days and nights of prison-grade profligacy with Columbus’s own Fourth Avenue Hobo Crew, I was fortunate enough to find myself face up in a shallow part of the Olentangy. However, after I shook off the haze of so much turpentine and 2009 Côtes du Brôoklyn Sterno brand methanol, I realized the reason for my extraordinarily early 11AM waking, was that there was a strange saucer hovering near the third avenue bridge.
This circa 2003 (yeah, we’re that old) pic of The Shadow trying to flag down Tan at the Realm of the Tooth roughly recreates the scene at Third Avenue early this morning. Except this morning, he was wet, and drunk. And he has brain damage from huffing solvents, so you probably don’t want to listen to him anyway.
I ran downstream trying to signal the ship, hoping to get some response, even if the ship simply flew away. But instead it did the opposite – with an immense splash it plummeted straight down into the water! BlueZer0, then, has officially recorded a USO.
For those of you who don’t know, and don’t have time to read the wikipedia link, a USO is an unidentified submerged object, sightings of which extend back almost indefinitely, and at least as early as the year 1067 AD. They simply haven’t garnered the media attention UFO sightings have because. . . well, we don’t quite know why. However, top researchers such as the late great Ivan T. Sanderson have speculated that not only are UFOs and USOs the same thing, but they are not extraterrestrial at all, but rather subterrestrial – i.e. that they originate from and live beneath the earth, or beneath the water, or both. This sighting provides a confirmation of at least one premise of this complex claim.
For several hours after the object splashed down there was a strange swirling impression on the water, much like the impression left in the Tully Saucer Nest in 1966. I could not get my cell phone to work, as it was in my pocket when I fell in the river, so I had to hoof it back to the sub-via apartment to grab the digicam. By the time I got back to Third Avenue, there was only a slight impression on the water, and the wind and sun made it difficult to photograph.
However, yours truly, that bombest of BZ reporters, will be stationed at the Third Avenue Bridge, ever-vigilant day and night, in search of more information on these USO/UFO sightings. And don’t think I’ve forgotten about that goddamn stone circle, either, because I haven’t.
Check back for updates!!!!
