The Shadow reporting. . .
Upper Arlington – After BZ’s semi-exclusive coverage of the Decanus for President press conference, BZ’s fattest employee made his way home on the Fat Cycle, locked it up, and then rested for seven hours. Unbeknownst to him, there were spies all around.

The Fat Cycle. This is the only picture we have, and the only picture we ever shall have, because somebody has ganked the bike.
Continue reading "Jerk-Offs Gaffle The Fat Cycle!!!!!" »
The Fat Kid reporting. . .
Clintonville – Independent 2012 presidential candidate Decanus Picto held another press conference Wednesday, in the famous Back Parking Lot Event Center and Pavilion. The press release announcing the conference described it as a rebuttal to President Obama’s recent back to school speech in which he addressed the nation’s children.

Pages two and three of Decanus Picto’s seven-page press release. They are mostly illegible.
Continue reading "Decanus Addresses the Kiddies" »
The Fat Kid reporting. . .
Dover – Decanus Picto, 2012 presidential election frontrunner, has taken to the campaign trail to drum up support for his election, and to get young people from all over the country to sign up for their chance to be a Decanus Picto 2012 Mine Slave.

Decanus Picto, pictured here in front of Helen’s Famous Sausage House in Dover, Delaware, which is the preferred suicide spot for many world-weary Delawareans.
Continue reading "Decanus on the Campaign Trail" »