After having borrowed said cycle to race back to the scene of the saucer recovery at Third Avenue, I got sort of lazy, and instead of rolling through the forest trails on foot as I used to, I had taken to borrowing that fat fucker’s bike to get places. This afternoon, when I went to The Fat Cave to borrow it once more, we walked out to the bike rack and it was gone.

This old-school footage of The Shadow rolling through the woods is here because we didn’t want to take a picture of the spot on the bike rack from which The Fat Cycle had been gaffled. You know, ‘cause that spot’s empty now, and there’s nothing there.

It appears that members of opposing parties were spying on The Fat Kid’s super-fat ass, and once he was inside, they came back with bolt cutters. The members of said parties must have forgotten which one was The Fat Kid’s, because they took everything that was protected with anything less than the mighty Master© U-Lock. Apparently democrats and/or republicans are inveterate bike thieves, because he had a keyed cable on there, and they cut right through that jaunz. There were only four bikes left on the whole rack. (Seriously, bikes with u-locks were the only ones left – let that be a lesson to you.) Police were called, but they didn’t give a shit. I mean, I don’t blame them, I’m just saying they aren’t concerned with bikes.