NH: Hello, welcome to #NomieVision (The Special Edition). A twitter interview show. I'm your host @NomieHomie.
My next guest lives in Ohio and he's an internet celebrity, UFO abductee and now, if that's not enough to tweet about...
... a presidential candidate. Welcome @Decanus.

DP: Thank you @NomieHomie for inviting me.

NH: So you're running for president because you believe the world is going to end in 2012. That doesn't make sense does it?

DP: Yes I am because like Neo, I don't believe in fate. I like to believe I'm in control of my life.
I have a good plan for many of us to survive the apocalypse.
Your followers can read about that plan on decanuspicto.com

NH: Sure, whatever. You're a survivor. I understand your plan has four basic points.

DP: Yup.
1. Become President.
2. Create a government sponsored jobs program for the young men and women hardest hit by this terrible recession...
...and have them work old mines building a vast civilization inside of them.
3. Party and have fun until the shit comes down.
4. Go down into the new underground cities and escape all of the bad shit.

NH: Jobs program? You described it as "White slavery" in your speech.

DP: Well, that was just me connecting with the people. Using a language that gets attention.
They're living in a world that is saturated with txt and sms and tweets and stuff.
I needed to use phrases that stand out, so they'll listen.

NH: There have been claims of plagiarism surrounding your announcement speech.
You stole your doomsday mineshaft idea from Stanley Kubrick didn't you?

DP: What? You think because Biden is carrying water for Obama now, Joe's speech writers are working for me?

NH: No, that's not what I'm asking you.

DP: Look, Kubrick and his collaborators are geniuses like me and my Picto '12 team.
The evolutionary convergence of ideas by those with foresight isn't plagiarism.
There are only so many words to use when describing stuff. It's gonna happen.

NH: Ok, lets move on... You've promised to have this up and running before "the shit comes down" on 12/21/2012.
But, you won't take office until 2013. So how are you going to get this done?

DP: Well, it's simple really. I will be elected with a mandate from the people.
Like Obama, I'll use the people's mandate to start calling the shots right after election day.
Showing up at the White House pointing my finger at stuff for the cameras and signing President-elect orders.
Lame duck Obama will have to follow them if he wants to move into one of our underground hizzles.

NH: Just like that?

DP: Yup.

NH: Well, ok, there you have it. His plan. Thank you for tweeting with us @Decanus.

DP: Uh, but we didn't talk about my spacemusic album. It'll be out late spring.

NH: Sorry, The Jerry Springer Show is about to start. Give my producer the details.
Next time on #NomieVision (The Special Edition), roller derby babes! Tweet you then.

-Pimples Malone