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DP: Awesome. Broken Bells are not slamming it every night before I go on or at all, and that just makes the crowd more anxious for my set. So it’s really working out great.

(Enter club owner and gum-chewing waitress, the latter with a tray under her arm.)

Club Owner: You guys can’t stand here. You’re blocking the fire exit. And we’re closing soon.

DP: If you are flammable, and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Club Owner: It doesn’t matter. You have to get out. (Exeunt club owner and gum-chewing waitress.)

FK: So, Broken Bells are not actually opening for you?

DP: Well, you know, we switch it up.

FK: But on most nights. . .

DP: Yeah, they don’t open.

FK: Right. It must be a great feeling to have established artists like James Mercer and Danger Mouse not opening for you, huh?

DP: Definitely. It’s very gratifying to have them not opening.

FK: So, what can you tell me about your presidential campaign? How is that end of it going?

DP: It’s going OK. You know, this whole tour was engineered to promote that.

FK: How so?

DP: Well, it started, the whole Decanus Picto and the Biaviians thing, because I needed a campaign song.

FK: Yeah, what happened with that? I thought Behemoth’s “Slaves Shall Serve” was supposed to be your campaign song, but I haven’t heard anything about that since the announcement.

DP: Well, we were going to do that, but then Behemoth threatened to sue us for using the song without authorization.

FK: So, they disagree with your politics?

DP: No. I mean, they said they didn’t want to be associated with people as stupid as us, so they threatened to sue. So, I had to have a campaign song. I was going to use Dethklok’s “Briefcase Full of Guts,” but that Brendon Small guy said we didn’t get his jokes, whatever that means. And then we were going to use Notorious BIG’s Gimme the Loot, but his estate didn’t want to sell it to us.

FK: You tried to buy the rights to “Gimme the Loot”?

DP: No, they actually didn’t want to sell us a copy of the record. So, I got tired of fucking around, and decided that it would be cheaper and slightly less illegal to release the record that I’d recorded myself while I had that gig as a space bus ticket designer. You know, it was on the shelf, or in the can as they say, so I just released it, and we’re using the whole thing as like a campaign album, or EP, and we’re sort of touring the record and making campaign stops at the same time. You know, trying to get the young people involved in politics. And slavery.

FK: So, you keep saying “we.” You mean you and the Biaviians, your touring band, right? Who are the Biaviians?

DP: Well, Biaviians is sort of a misnomer. There’s like one Biaviian. It’s essentially me, The Biaviian Anti-Gravity Device – who is the only actual Biaviian there – my old-school laptop D’arcy, and my speakers, Huginn and Muninn.

(Enter club owner.)

Club Owner: I told you two like ten minutes ago that you can’t stay here. We’re closed.

DP: Where’s my money?

Club Owner: You’ll get it after you leave.

At this point a fight broke out, and I had to leave because I was holding and couldn't be around when the cops came. I just came home – ain't trying to see central booking.

*There’s no joke here exactly, BZ editors would just like to acknowledge that it’s funny that Decanus’s initials are DP. As in DP. Or DP.