The Fat Kid reporting. . .
EUGENE, OR – After Decanus’ fight with the owner of Eugene’s favorite night spot, I, of course, fled the scene to avoid incarceration for possession with intent to distribute. Afterwards, I checked our favorite places in Eugene, which seemed oddly familiar, and somehow reminded me of my Atlanta days, hanging out on Albany Avenue. In any case, Decanus was nowhere to be found. The next day I made my way back to where his truck was parked, and found him sleeping inside. He agreed to be interviewed again in exchange for a cup of coffee. The transcript follows.
Decanus was forced to perform as a street musician at this bus station in Eugene, Oregon.
FK: What happened last night?
DP: I had to fight the fucking bar owner. Thanks for bailing on me, by the way. That was real cool. Anyway, he owes me for like four nights worth of shows.
FK: Why won’t he just pay you?
DP: I dunno. He claims I didn’t attract any patrons, and that I breached the contract when I didn’t bring Broken Bells with me, which is just ridiculous because I told him I wasn’t bringing them. I said explicitly that they weren’t coming.
FK: What happened after the fight? Did the police come?
DP: Well, I’m sure he called them, or that that skinny waitress he’s fucking did, but I was gone before they came.
FK: You can’t really go back there again to try to get your money, so I guess you’re just going to move along, then?
DP: I’d love to, but the truck won’t start. That’s why I’ve been here so long already – I’ve been trying to make enough money to get it fixed.
FK: What’s the matter with it?
DP: Alternator. I spent the last money I had on a battery, and it died within an hour, so it looks like my alternator is shot to shit.
FK: You have tools?
DP: Yeah, but no alternator.
This is the alternator Decanus needs. It seems odd that it's so expensive. I mean, $140 after the core charge is expensive for an alternator, right? It seems expensive to me. I was expecting like $70 or $80.
FK: So, what are you going to do now? Try to get some gigs at other clubs?
DP: Well, I was going to, but that fucking douche from the Horsehead poisoned that well for me. He’s been talking shit to other club owners about the shows, and the Broken Bells, and all that shit, so there’s no hope of that.
FK: Well, what are you going to do?
DP: Pan Handle. Or not pan handle exactly, but, like, be one of those street musicians. I’ll find a sidewalk with a lot of people walking by, and set up shop.
FK: Holy shit. That sucks, dude. I mean, those guys only make change. How much is your alternator?
DP: $140 after the core charge.
FK: Holy shit.
At this point I was too depressed to continue the interview, and just walked away. However, as I couldn’t stop thinking about our fallen friend and would-be leader of the free world, I have devised a two-part plan to get Decanus off the street. I’m taking the first part of the burden on myself. I have decided to devote a full 8% of my herb profits to get Decanus a new alternator. The second part is on you, the reader. We are re-opening the Dollars for Decanus fund. Our goal is to get a full $140 to get Decanus back on tour, and eventually into the White House. You want into our underground civilization when the shit comes down? Ante up, fools!
Comments (1)
I don't like mooches IRL so why should I give money to some random tweak-show on the internet?
Posted by Brian | July 26, 2010 5:46 PM
Posted on July 26, 2010 17:46