The Third Fictional Reporter reporting. . .

CLINTONVILLE – The round-the-clock vigil at the BAGD’s tomb has continued unabated since its interment on Sunday. Every few minutes a new mourner comes along and the rats scatter as he or she tosses a tribute bag onto or around the tomb, which has long since been filled with such bags. The mourners stop coming around three or four AM, when the war between rats and raccoons rages, but they start showing up again just before sunrise, when we’re stumbling in somnambulance so pre-dawn corpses come to life.

In an effort to understand this unexpected outpouring of love and support, I attempted to interview a mourner at 2:30 this morning, but she was overcome with grief. You can watch the interview below.

The police came shortly after the Third Fictional Reporter attacked this pretty young girl in that most romantic of places – by the dumpsters.

Hoping to gain some kind of insight into the kinds of feelings these mourners have for the BAGD, and, more to the point, why, we forced BZ laborers to do a statistical analysis of the contents of many, many tribute bags. Though we have not gained any insight, we have turned the data they gathered during hours and hours of labor under unsanitary conditions into this clean and colorful pie chart: