The Third Fictional Reporter reporting. . .
CLINTONVILLE – In the relatively minor wake of the Biaviian Anti-Gravity Device’s suicide, people from around Clintonville are holding an around-the-clock vigil near the BAGD’s crypt outside BZ offices.
Left: The BAGD’S sheet metal tomb is metallurgically identical to the device’s tubing, and the tomb itself is shaped like its original shipping crate. It has been painted with brown Rustoleum™ to symbolize eternal life, and that People = Shit.* Right: The tomb of Starsky the Gerbil.
On Sunday, after making reasonably sure that it was dead, BZ staffers interred the device with no more fanfare than a toss and the smoking of a cigarette. However, we have been watching, and ever since then there has been a steady stream of visitors to the gravesite. People have been walking by at all hours, tossing bags and boxes of all descriptions into, onto, and around the tomb. One guy even took a piss by it. It seems that these mourners are giving the BAGD one last thing to lift, in a touching tribute to its prowess.
There is a small problem insofar as the odor generated by the touching tribute, so as always we encourage mourners to buy a t-shirt, download Decanus’s album Long Tokes at the Gravity Well, and/or
directly to Decanus Picto, instead of tossing another tribute bag onto the pile. 'Cause, you know, that'll attract (more) rats.
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* Normally we at Bluezer0 do not endorse Slipknot, but this song isn’t that bad, and it was really really easy to use this joke, so. . . we did.
