Clintonville - As many BZ’s readers may recall, the news of our lead paranormal investigator’s disappearance was recently posted by The Third Fictional Reporter. In that article TFR reported, "The Shadow’s growing number of creditors, including BZ, have decided to pool our funds, and hire a professional cryptozoologist to track his Shadowy Ass down [...] The compensation packet includes: beer (fizzy, yellow, American beer that’s like $5 for a 12-pack – don’t touch my New Castle Brown, bitch), and nightly use of our flashlight." Well, we've recieved responses to that job posting.
Since the Visa card linked to the expense account used by The Shadow has long been maxed out at the $25 limit and disabled, we, the BZ managing editors, have all the time we need to go over the email and resumes sent in by those interested in the job and share some of the standouts with you the readers. Your comments are welcome in helping us choose the right inebriate to become BZ's staff cryptozoologist.
Here's one that seems interesting:
Director Doctor Jake Willoughby Prescott Handson IV, Phd.
From:[Censored by BZ's Lawyers]
Date: August 17, 2010 5:41:33 PM EDT
To: sexcult@bluezer0.net
Subject: Cryptozoologicalist.......
Dear Editors(ettes):
As the director of Ghost Getter's (www.ghostgetters.org) it has been my pleasure to work in the field of paranormal research for-well a long time now. Unfortunately after the last incident at the University of California Lodi-where an unfortunate dimensional rift occurred-I have been somewhat unemployed. In an admittedly desperate bid to raise funds for our ongoing investigations (seen by dozens on cable here in Santa Rosa California) I am offering my vast experience in the field of Cryptozoology to your esteemed media outlet. These creatures intrigue me, perhaps my investigation will reveal the true nature of these varied entities as I did with my groundbreaking work regarding BigFoot (TM)-the stunning revelation that BigFoot (TM) was, actually, quite small with enormous feet has shaken the Cryptozoological world to it's foundation. My qualifications can be found at the Ghost Getter's website. Thank you for the fine work you are doing in the world.
cheers,
Director Doctor Jake Willoughby Prescott Handson IV Phd.
P.S.
The "Ramon" in the cryptic message could be referring to a well known extra-dimensional (ED), known for random kidnappings of journalists. These kidnappings are for particularly nefarious purposes. I would keep an eye on the bizarre porn sites for a while if I were you-your lost "Shadow" may show up very soon. Or it could mean that the Shadow was taken ill and passed away from a bad package of Ramen-translation from barbaric tongues is an inexact science.
P.P.S. I do prefer to be paid in cheap wine-a liter of Corbett Canyon Chardonnay is the same price.
Stay tuned for another job applicant coming soon!
-Pimples Malone
Comments (1)
Do you allow guest posts? I would love to write a some posts here.
Posted by funny text messages | September 22, 2010 7:36 PM
Posted on September 22, 2010 19:36