The Fat Kid reporting. . .
Clintonville – In the wake of BZ’s almost scientifically conclusive straw poll, potential Republican candidates are hesitant to announce whether they are running in their pathetic party’s primary election.
That wacky Sarah is going to kill the other GOP candidates in the primary – if she ever cops to what we already know.
CNN reports that GOP candidates are holding back for fear of becoming stale or boring to voters this far in advance of the primary election. This, however, is a specious claim given that their electorate is largely composed of intensely boring people who hate anything even remotely entertaining, as illustrated by the fact that Republicans are known to watch Leno. Further, we at BlueZer0 find it suspicious that they have started making these claims immediately after seeing the devastating poll results indicating that Decanus Picto, a third-party candidate, will eventually destroy them in the general election. It appears, then, that the GOP is attempting to save face.
An anonymous source in former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee’s camp told BZ that, “Mike really doesn’t want to be president. I mean, he could be president if he wanted to, but he’s. . . sick. Yeah, he’s sick. And. . . his grandma’s sick, too. So, he’s looking to avoid that extra stress and responsibility. It has nothing to do with the humiliation of eventually losing the general election to some guy from Ohio.” Yeah. That’s what we thought, GOPers. Just concede.
