The Fat Kid reporting. . .
Upper Arlington – As many of you recall, of late The Shadow has been trying to persuade women to help him build a porn site, by offering them a free spot on the flying saucer he plans to build in order to get off the earth before the legitimate apocalypse happens in December of 2012. However, he has had no luck. As I have reported elsewhere, women in general are not stupid enough to believe him. Or me. Or Decanus either, really. But anyway, this afternoon, I received a strange email from The Shadow that looks rather like a commercial.
The Fat Kid received this email from The Shadow on Saturday. It looks like it may have been drafted with the help of Dan Gilbert.
I went ahead and checked the site out, and he wasn’t kidding. The front page of the site is essentially html code The Shadow stole from the ancient-school TZR Site that The Shadow, Decanus, and I ran way back in the day when we were still in Delaware and working at Pumpboy Hell. He’s retrofitted it with some new colors and fonts, but it’s the same site. And you probably don’t wanna know what’s inside. Or maybe you do, so I’ll tell you: malware. Seriously, that’s probably a big part of this.
The old TZR site, now with titties! It’s better than ever!!!
I visited The Shadow in his sub-bridge apartment, and asked him what the deal was. He had this to say: “I got sick of trying to get girls involved. You know, I gave away all my saucer secrets and all that shit, and not one girl was biting. Not one. So, I just started a link farm to go along with all the code I wrote.” I did not confront him with the fact that he stole that code from Decanus, but I did ask him about his change of plans. That is, link farming generates some money, but not that much money. Certainly not enough to purchase enough aluminum and so on to build a real saucer with.
“Yeah, I know. I’m lucky if this site ever even pays out, or if it does, if it pays out more than just beer money. But now I’m changing strategies. I’m appealing to everyone now, and not just smart-ass broads who think they know so much. If you got the money, you can come along. If you’re willing to invest $35,000 in the saucer, then we can go to the Triangulum Galaxy. Hang out, drink some brew, watch the fucktards in the Milky Way get crushed into a singularity. Yeah, we can do that.”
So, there it is. The Shadow is now selling what he couldn’t give away for the past several weeks. If you are interested in investing in The Shadow’s surprisingly expensive saucer, email sexcult@bluezer0.net
Also, while we’re doing screen shots – here’s another:
That’s right. I was listening to Psycroptic while I was writing this article. They’re an Australian technical death metal outfit, and they’re pretty badass about it, too. Check them out. I think I might make them the site's new house band until Nergal recovers and the mighty Behemoth are back in the studio.
