Things have been somewhat strange around the Chateau lately. Since I moved into the woods across the street, I have noticed unusual lights in the shuttered windows of otherwise closed parts of the Chateau. And the lights were somewhat alarming insofar as they didn’t look like a room with a lit lamp, or even like someone with a flashlight – a burglar perhaps – was going through the various rooms of the ghostly old Bloc-Gothic structure. The light was blue-ish, and diffused – more like a glow than a light – and it floated from room to room before it would fade slowly out, rather than going out abruptly like any normal electric light. But I didn’t pay too much attention – I had stuff to do. You know, woodland creature stuff. Foraging and whatever. And killing deer with big-ass rocks.

Last evening, when my phone started going off, the last thing I expected was that I’d be getting a job offer. But there it was – freelance work was needed due to an “incident” in which The Fat Kid encountered an “entity” in the halls of the Chateau. Apparently the fat bastard was so fat, I mean, so scared that the skin of his bald fucking dome (that’s no kid) turned white, and he was catatonic for several minutes after they found him.

With my mad journalistic skills, what I gathered was this: that pudgy fuck was walking down the hall, on his way out to get more fudge, or whatever it is that keeps him so fat, when he came upon an apparition – the spirit of the BAGD appeared right before him, yellow bungee and all. The BAGD simply stood there, doing nothing, saying nothing – it looked with its dead eyes into his fat eyes, and then it slowly faded out of view. And as it did so, the puffy disgusting fuck lost consciousness. He was discovered lying prone in the hall roughly half an hour later.

This story intrigued me. Chateau Clintonville has a long history of violent deaths and ghostly activity, which may be the topic of another article at a later date. But because of this history, I have always thought ghost hunting right here at the Chateau might be fruitful, and since the activity reported was fresh, I thought it was the perfect time. BZ’s budget is notoriously small, so we can’t afford those night vision cameras they have on TV that make everything all green and stuff. However, we do have a regular camera, so I signed it out and went wandering around looking for this apparition – and I found it.

My first encounter with the BAGD’s ghost was outside the front door. I stepped out to smoke a cigarette, and got the eerie feeling that I was being watched. I didn’t see anything, but because of the feeling I had, I took wide-angle pictures in all four directions. I didn’t see anything in the pictures, either, but this morning, back at the BZ lab, some of the tekkies blew up the picture I took facing north, and there it was. The Biaviian Anti-Gravity Device.

The spirit of the BAGD, just outside Chateau Clintonville. Though the quality of the photograph is really bad, you can clearly see the three upright bars, and the characteristic bungee cords wrapped around the middle, which identify this as an image of the BAGD.

My second encounter with the device took place three hours after the first picture was taken, when I had almost given up on finding anything. I was just about to return the camera to the BZ offices and go back to the woods, when I noticed something at the far end of the hall, so I took this pic.

A wide angle shot of the hall in the east wing of Columbus’ most famous Chateau. Waaaaaay down at the end, there’s something not quite right.

I could see that something was going on way down there, so I brought this one to the attention of the tekkies right away. Here’s what they found in this pic:

Come play with us, Shadow. Forever, and ever, and ever.

As you can see, the ghost of the BAGD is clearly haunting Chateau Clintonville. The follow-up question is: why? And how, given the fact that it hung itself several miles from here? Next week, I, Shadow Humperdink, Esq. will conduct a séance, and speak with the BAGD about its totally gothic return from the grave!!!