The Shadow reporting. . .
Methodology
In composing the following report, I used the widely-accepted, very convenient, and extremely inexpensive method of walking. I walked through and around the grounds themselves trying to make observations relevant to my thesis that A) aliens that sell mind-control computers to our government are helping our government cover up the very existence of these computers, and B) that they are doing so by using those computers which are implanted in both trees and birds, and C) that these trees and birds are controlled and their data monitored remotely from a station across the street from Chåteau Clintonville, and that D) when these methods prove insufficient, they call in the aliens who, in an effort to protect their business relationship with the US Government, are able to more effectively gather data, though their method of doing so is slightly more gaudy and attention-getting than the placement of birds or trees in convenient places. In order to make such observations, I have used my eyes to look at things, and a digital camera to take pictures with which to prove the factual status of such observations.
The Report
The first thing to notice about 4041 is that it is surrounded by several acres of forest, cleverly disguised as a state park. This forest contains so many trees that one might reasonably go so far as to say that it is entirely composed of them. This being the case, I decided to walk through in the guise of a park-goer, pimpin’ an old gray hoody and long-disused running shoes.
It was not long before I found my first piece of evidence in the form of a tree that contained several stations wherein birds had, as recently as this past summer, been stationed and made ready for deployment.
“Evidence” for The Shadow’s crackpot theory.
As you can see the birds’ nests are right in the tree, attached right to the branches, so there is no denying that the two species are closely associated even though they belong to separate kingdoms of biological taxonomy. This cross-kingdom interaction is unnatural and has never before been observed in nature. I therefore must conclude that the unnatural behavior of otherwise naturally occurring and behaving species is caused by computer implants of the type found in both the deadly sycamores, and inside of various birds on my trip to Arkansas. The size of the photographed tree, however, indicates that the aliens, not unlike the Japanese, are becoming increasingly skilled at scaling down their technology, which carries frightening implications for your Shadowy pal and the BZ staff.
Having been so close to such an advanced tree, it only stands to reason that I had activated some kind of monitoring system that detected my presence, so I continued walking, trying to maintain my guise of park-going recreationalist. However, it wasn’t long before I spied this:
Ardea herodias, the most watchful of the wading birds of the heron family.
This computer-implanted great blue heron had clearly been deployed to keep an eye on me, and being nervous about what might become of me if the government, or its probe-happy spotted-chick computer salesaliens got their mits on me when I was alone, I wasted no time heading out. At this point, with so much evidence already in my digicam’s memory, I saw no reason to risk being caught sneaking around building 4041.
The heron, with its metallic camera-eye, records The Shadow waddling through the “park.”
Please note that this bird, while not in a tree, is surrounded on three sides by trees, and the fourth by water, and anyone who has read my eBook knows all about water. Also note that this specimen has an abnormally large “beak,” which seems to have no function whatsoever. Upon close inspection of the pictures I took, I could tell that this “beak” was actually made of the same material I found inside birds on my Arkansas adventure. I can only speculate, but the obvious conclusion seems to be that the beak serves as an external antenna or sensing device, with which it can keep track of subjects by detecting their heat signatures, or that it is the transmitting device it uses to receive commands and/or send data back to 4041. The unnecessarily long legs, which the aliens seem to have installed backwards, may serve this same purpose, or simply give the creature better vantage from which to observe its subjects.
Addenda
BZ owner and CEO Decanus has reported that men have been working around the clock on the top floor or 4041. What they are doing cannot be confirmed. Furthermore, Chåteau resident and BZ reporter The Fat Kid has reported seeing flashes of light coming from the windows of the same floor, and seeing men in rectangular full-face masks using elongated instruments that seem to drip molten metal onto the floor, not unlike the craft observed in the famous Rendlesham Forest Incident, which, as you might have gathered, also involved a forest.
Conclusion
There can be no doubt that each premise of my thesis (see Methodology supra) is correct. The startling implication, then, is that BZ staff is being closely monitored, and that some kind of action will be taken soon. I feel so strongly that this is the case that I am almost afraid to post this report for fear of what may happen. What form that action may take is not known. They may simply continue their brainwashing efforts, but it is more than likely that they will either make attempts on our lives, or worse, offer us up to the aliens. Beware, Clintonvillians!
