The Fat Kid reporting. . .
Somewhere in Downtown Columbus (location of this secret enclave of reserve power withheld) – Last Sunday, the 14th of September (the day after the suicide of my personal hero, the super-postmodernist [who hated being called a postmodernist] David Foster Wallace [link to something good about the ace of all writers forthcoming]) was the apocalypse for the Columbus alien-resistance movement. The government called in its strongest reserve forces, and deployed them in the form of a giant, super-cloudy windstorm, knocking out power – maybe permanently – for most of central Ohio, most of Columbus, and the entire Upper Arlington area. Our power here went out at approximately 4:30 EST that day (9/14), and has yet to be restored.
Immediately after the storm was over, I sought out The Shadow in his under-bridge hideout. He had this to say:
I told you that there would be fallout from our discovery, and your clumsy poking around in the bike trail area. The government windstorm was an attempt to get at us with super doses of mind-control drugs, i.e. rain, to stop the resistance movement once and for all. They built the storm in the Gulf of Mexico, and sent it up this way, telling the media that it was the remnants of Hurricane Ike. Only, they failed to realize that some of us would know better than to think that an actual hurricane could get this far over land. And, of course, like everything else the US government sets up or builds, it didn’t work, anyway. The clouds never deployed [That is, it never rained. –Ed], and only the wind part worked. I’m gathering more data, so check back with me soon.
Meanwhile, your fat-ass correspondent has digital pics, and maybe a little video if it turned out OK, but it has to wait until the power comes back, assuming it does – your correspondent is in his sixth day of darkness, and according to American Electric Power of Ohio, power is not expected to be restored to my area until Sunday the 21st or Monday the 22nd. So, cool media forthcoming. Until then, chillin’ by candle light (I’m dead serious).
Also, I was going to do a short obituary-type thing for David Foster Wallace the way I did for my other dead hero Kurt Vonnegut, but internet access is precious, and it’ll have to wait. Until then, RIP DFW 1962-2008, and vive Les Assassins des Fauteuils Roulants!!!
Comments (1)
It's been nothing but fear, peanut butter sandwiches, candles, and warm beer at the BZ home office beneath the Chateau Clintonville since that terrible day. 9/14/2008 a day that will live in infamy! Does anyone doubt the reality of weather weapons now?
Area 4041 never lost power! Surrounded by city block after city block of darkness, Building 4041 stood tall and bright like a giant neon sign warning all that they have HAARP accurately tuned and dialed in! Once they work out the bugs in the cloud seeding/rain making/drug delivery apparatus we will all become zombiefied fatties sitting in the dark eating crackers!
Posted by Pimples Malone | September 19, 2008 2:15 PM
Posted on September 19, 2008 14:15