The Fat Kid reporting. . .
Upper Arlington -- As mentioned twice already, the Great Ohio Power Outage, caused by a half-ass attempt at showering us with the mind control drug formerly known as water, was a big deal to Columbusianites, some of whom had to do without power for eight days. Your fattest pal, yours truly, was lucky and only had to do without power for seven days.
Pending The Shadow’s forthcoming report on the storm and its insidious purposes, I have prepared a full account of the storm, which is surprisingly short. Sunday, September 14, 2008, I was chillin’ in the Fat Cave, and then it got real windy. Then the power went out. Then it stayed out for a long time. Then it came on.
As previously reported, this storm was believed to be a retaliatory attack against the Columbus Alien-Resistance Movement (hereafter CARM) in an attempt to strip out their minds and replace them with episodes of Two and a Half Men, and subliminal messages about the coupon for 30¢ off Cheez-Its in the Columbus Dispatch. The drug-release mechanism failed, and the result was much wind, and, well, trees that fell and stuff. Below is media relating to the event.
In this video, nothing really happens. But you can tell it’s windy, though.
The storm caused tremendous damage, mostly to trees:
This silver maple was essentially sheared off by the powerful winds. The buildings in the surrounding areas, however, are strangely unaffected.
Another downed tree, or part of a tree. Again the surrounding buildings seem perfectly untouched.
After the storm was over, the power remained out for days and days, creating primitive conditions for Columbusianites.
The Fat Cave by candle light.
Without refrigeration, without internet and TV, The Fat Kid was forced to revert to primitive methods of feeding and entertaining himself. That disgusting slob said, “My liver hurts. But my heart is doing unusually well.”
