The Fat Kid reporting. . .
Upper Arlington -- Not all of us are fortunate enough to be able to live off the land, or directly on the land, or an abutment, like The Shadow. Some of us go days at a time without ever touching the dirt, or mud, or the poop floating down the Olentangy, and it makes us yearn for a simpler time, when a man could raise and harvest his own crop, and keep his family fed for the winter. And as a fat person, having food nearby is especially important to me.
However, being utterly destitute, my options are limited. That’s why I developed The Fat Kid’s patented Window Farming System®. I mean, not really. Really I just got some free plants from some guy at my wife’s work, and stuck them in pots in the window. But it’s a process I’m trying to patent.
I “planted” (read: potted) in June, and just today, October 13th, I decided to bring in the harvest. The picture below represents five months of slaving in the window.
The Fat Kid’s stumpy, pudgy, dwarf fruit is perfect for making tiny sandwiches, hors d’oeurves, or pissing off hungry people. Help me, Con-Agra!
Yes, that’s a real quarter in there for scale. I mean, it isn’t a real quarter because it’s the Delaware quarter, and Delaware doesn’t quite count. But I’m saying, it’s the same size as a real quarter.
This was the best I could do, but I figure maybe there’s a niche market for tiny food, or. . . Well, what did you expect from a fat guy who listens to Motörhead? I'm not a freaking farmer, man. Damn.
Comments (3)
Next year, some of those tiny corn cobs found in chinese food?
Posted by Pimples Malone | October 14, 2008 5:32 AM
Posted on October 14, 2008 05:32
"Really I just got some free plants from some guy at my wife’s work..."
Well there's your problem, obviously you received hybrids intended for the lighter gravity of Biaveh!
Posted by Some dumpster diving bigfoot with a netbook | October 14, 2008 6:01 AM
Posted on October 14, 2008 06:01
How many suns does Biaveh orbit? I feel like my quarter-sized tomato might have fared better under multiple suns.
Posted by The Fat Kid | October 14, 2008 8:56 PM
Posted on October 14, 2008 20:56