BlueZer0.net

The Fat Kid reporting. . .

Sorry about this picture. All the pictures of Pete are kinda. . . like this.

Columbus – Petrus Ratajczyk who, because he loved dick jokes, took the name Peter Steele, is dead at age 48, Blabbermouth.net reports. His death comes as a particular shock because Pete recently stopped drinking and doing coke.

The Fat Kid reporting. . .

Upper Arlington – Several days ago, retired welter-weight boxer Arturo Gatti, who smashed the hell out of people during his career, was found dead at a Brazilian resort, or hotel, or a property that he was renting near a resort-type place (the reporting on this detail changed several times as the case developed, and I’m still not certain which is actually true). Normally, as you know, I write obituaries for people that I like, like Harry the K, Kurt Vonnegut, and David Foster Wallace, or people who, to whatever degree, figure in with BlueZer0, like Gary Doe. Unfortunately, even though I’m still unemployed, I’ve had quite a lot going on, so I didn’t have time to post on the day he actually died. And there wasn’t really that much to report on the day he died, anyway. However, now that I have made time to do this, and now that there is actually something to report, I have to acknowledge the situation with big-time puncher, Arturo “Thunder” Gatti.

Arturo “Thunder” Gatti bled up a storm and smashed dudes in the face for a long time, and now, sad to say, he’s dead.

The Fat Kid reporting. . .

We’ll miss you, Harry.

Harry “the K” Kalas, greatest broadcaster in the history of Illy Philly, died in Washington on Monday (4/13/09) after collapsing in the broadcast booth while preparing to announce a Phillies/Nationals game. He was 73 years old. Harry was the Phillies' play-by-play announcer for 38 years, and during that time he called every single one of Michael Jack Schmidt’s 548 home runs. Phillies fans everywhere (even those of us on the moors of Ohio) will miss Harry. If there was a god, this is where I’d start trying to negotiate a trade: we’ll give you Chris Wheeler, Gary Matthews, and a first-round draft pick to have Harry back. . .

The Fat Kid reporting. . .

Clintonville – After several years of supplying BZ staffers with some kind of structure to hang around in the parking lot, and several months of bumping that obnoxious redneck noise known as bluegrass every Saturday morning, Gary Doe has died.

Extraordinary novelist and Anthony Keidis look-alike, David Foster Wallace, seen here inspecting our masthead.

Passing away during this new spring of his seventy second year, the Oracle leaves us knowing too little about him. He was born in October, 1935 as Gabby Whitman and he lived in several different suites over the years at the Chateau Clintonville since the 1960s.