BlueZer0.net

Here it is, recovered from the grease trap of internet plumbing, the last post to the long defunct website of The Zero Recusancy.

-Decanus

Editor's note: Nearly lost to history for a second time, many manhours of tedious data retrieval work by Pimples Malone, TZR’s archival database specialist, was required to reassemble this important work of historical writing from several old The Zero Recusancy website postings.

In a recent and very disturbing text msg exchange with Mike Wilsey, I learned that former King of the Highway Department Don Moore is now General Manager at the Realm. WTF? Can the Apocalypse be far off? Shocking!!!

For those who do not know Don (one of many infamous characters that have made the Realm an overflowing septic tank of frustration), check out this declassified portion of the old TZR Advance Concepts Office's Dossier on Gummy Joe to better understand my shock and disbelief.

The Shadow Reports:

On Friday the 21st of March, the Realm of the Tooth received a surprise visit in the person (read: Alien) of Tan himself. No, not beige's first cousin in the color spectrum, but the interstellar traveler, savior-to-be of the human race, and famed associate of space guru/alcoholic/pot dealer/space ship ticket artist/hippie Riley Martin, whose writing credits include published pieces in Global Black Woman magazine, The Coming of Tan and several hefty tomes on the subjects of exploiting the gullible, functional alcoholism, semi-functional alcoholism, and bad trips.

Name: Donald "Gummy Joe" Moore
Known aliases: King of the Highway Dept.
Department: Gathering.
Title: Sanitary specialist, data gatherer/interpreter, saboteur.

Mission(s): Securing garage perimeter against the onslaught of human urination known to cause infection in reptilian species, ensuring smooth operation of booth function, "plus selling," blocking resistance operations.

Known characteristics: A master of deception, Gummy has been known to fool the wiliest foes with masterfully spun tales of intrigue in the Realm of the Tooth. Also, the gummy one has been known to intercept messages on his police ban radio, and block operations of the resistance by way of story telling, general meddling, and interference of customer-resistor relations.

Intelligence briefing notes: Special Agent Moore has been highly educated by the highway department's special defense team from which he was ousted for espionage. A graduate of the Deldot Secret Operations Task force training program, Gummy has unparalleled knowledge of the highway and its intricate inner workings. From monitoring phone lines the PbLF's Recon Team has produced vast volumes of the gummy one's messages to the Tooth and her cabal of cold blooded parasites. However, they were so cleverly encoded that crack teams of specialists have determined that the messages contain roughly one fact per six-hundred and fifty-nine pages. They have summarized Don "Gummy Joe" Moore's knowledge base thus: "He seems to grasp that on the northbound side, cars travel north, and south on the southbound side. He kind of knows how to work the register, and it would appear that he's figured out how to work the pumps." The gummy one also claims to have knowledge of architectural structure, which leads us to believe that he may be using the steel frame of the garage as an antenna to transmit messages to the fourth dimension via Police Ban frequencies.

Name: Pamela Taylor
Known aliases: Mush Mouth, Ogre, Butch, The Man, Sasquatch
Department: Logistics
Title: F.A.T.B.I.T.C.H. (Fat Androgynous Tactical Bitching Intensity Technician and Counter-resistance Hierarchy maintenance)

Mission(s): As we know, reptilians are obsessed with ritualistic behavior: Pam has been highly trained to keep all booth related rituals constant, including the stocking of shelves, arrangement of cigarettes, trash disposal, and customer relations. Also, Pam has the added duty of frustrating and annoying members of the resistance with incessant bitching, annoying stories about her son, and turning into a tattle tale school girl whenever anything has been moved from its proper place.

Known characteristics: Pam "The Man" Taylor speaks in indecipherable code, thought to be the religious language of reptiles, analogous to Hebrew to the Jews and Latin to Roman Catholics, which leads us to believe that in their original 12 ft. lizard form, all reptilians have desperately serious lisps. Organization is highly important to this monster, as it has been modified by Vern and The Tooth to feel physical pain whenever any booth related object has been moved more than 1/8 of an inch.

Intelligence briefing notes: Sasquatch can only be understood by Donald "Gummy Joe" Moore, and so the two are often seen in conference. Its ritual behavior has been likened to that of Babylonian priests of Tiamat, which leads resistance mythology specialist/bookworm The Fat Kid to believe that she has a direct line of communication to the supernatural dragon god worshipped by all reptilians. This theory has been borne out several times in situations where she, in the role of supplicant to the dragon deity, has circumvented the power of the King Cobra (aka Vernon Haynes) and instituted theocracy in the booth to which even Vern is subject. All resistance agents should keep their faces averted at all times because eye contact between her and humans results in petrifaction, the effects of which are similar to those of mythological heroes who have looked Medusa in the eye. For this reason it is recommended that agents carry mirrors at all times so that if waging open war is necessary, one may find her position without looking directly at her. Also, resistance agents in the Pacific north west have sighted her on several occasions along mountain ridges, though their cameras always jam, or produce photos of grainy or otherwise poor quality. It is thought that her incantations to the dragon god produced disturbances which resulted in distortions in photos taken by the booth-mounted camera.

Name: Todd McClure
Known aliases: Beefcake, the Cuckolder
Catch Phrase(s): Fuck you!
Department: Ministry of Reptilian Affairs, White Trash Division, Gathering
Title: Servant, sex-slave to The Tooth, double agent/shill

Mission(s): To keep Ann satisfied sexually, and to infiltrate the circle of resistors located at the realm of the tooth and report any untoward activities to upper management, ensuring the downfall of the resistance.

Known characteristics: Todd is an excellent liar, managing to keep a straight face when visiting his friend Darrell even though he is fucking Darrell's woman, The Tooth. Also, he is known to pretend to side with the resistance, while actually taking money for his reconnaissance work. Todd also has a hot temper, and is known to kick things and scream when he doesn't get his way, and often goes off in this manner for no reason at all.

Intelligence briefing notes: Todd is to be considered extremely dangerous, as his temper flares for no reason whatsoever, and, if provoked, will attack any creature known to man. Also, anything said in his presence will be communicated posthaste to The Tooth, who then transmits it (via Gummy's antennae system) to the fourth dimension where it is kept in an intelligence file which will be used to weed out resistors "when the shit comes down."

Name: Mike Wilsey
Known aliases: Stinky
Department: Joy Division
Title: Butt Boy to Donald "Gummy Joe" Moore

Mission(s): To please the gummy one at all costs, and work snow days.

Known characteristics: It is thought that Mike, formerly a resistance agent, has been hypnotized by Pam's moribund, lisping chants, and is now a servant and gay lover to Donald "Gummy Joe" Moore. While once a valued agent, his questionable behavior of late has led the resistance to surmise that he has switched sides, and is firmly within the grasp of Gummy Joe.

Intelligence briefing notes: While Mike makes occasional showings at the message board of The Zero Recusancy ((c) 2003 Jared: this means you!), and provides somewhat limited intelligence to the resistance, it is possible that he caused a security breach at TZR thereby endangering us all. He should be treated with caution, though has proven himself trustworthy with certain information.

Name: Vernon Haynes
Known aliases: Grand Wizard, The Winston Smoking Man, Dim Witted Redneck, Inbred Redneck, Drunken Redneck.
Catch Phrase(s): Fuck y'all! Y'all are fuckin' wit my bonus! Anything with the words fuck or motherfucker.
Department: Ministry of Reptilian Affairs, White Trash Division
Title(s): King Cobra, Ruler of the Pumps, HRIC (Head Redneck In Charge)

Known characteristics: Vern is a functioning alcoholic who suffers from hypertension as a result. This is bad for his human host, but good for him in that it keeps his body temperature up, allowing him to do things other reptilians cannot, such as go out in the snow, and vote republican. However, this also keeps the reptilian monster constantly vigilant in contrast to his relatively sluggish cohorts, Little Annie Cock Ring, and Todd "Beefcake" McClure. Vern has very high tolerance for stupidity, which allows him to delegate work to said underlings.

Intelligence briefing notes: Vern can be bribed with alcoholic liquids of any kind, including rubbing alcohol and vanilla extract, but often breaks such bargains, blaming blackouts and drunken stupors, which may not be far from the truth considering his consumption levels. There is ample evidence, gathered by The Shadow, an agent of the resistance, that Vern is involved with double agents, shills, and mock ghosts, and that he has knowledge of behavior modification techniques pioneered by North Korea (proud member of G.W. Bush's Axis of Evil Mass Murder/Destruction Club since 2001) during the Korean conflict of the 1950s. Vern also has exceeded other reptilians in the operation of motor vehicles; he has driven drunk 362 days this year and has yet to be pulled over. Resistance herpetologists have concluded that his increased heart rate allows him to metabolize alcohol at three times the rate of other reptiles, though it produces the side effect of explosive, somewhat incoherent behavior.

Name: Ann Cochran
Known aliases: The Tooth, Little Annie Cock Ring (because no one can get off with her around), The Egg Woman, The Walrus
Catch Phrase: Coo Coo Ca Choo
Department: Ministry of Reptilian Affairs, White Trash Division
Title(s): Manager of Reptilian Development, Shop Steward of Obese Fourth Dimension Reptile Immigrants Union, Local 717

Mission(s): To infiltrate the blood lines of those in the White Trash community, seeking out those with high reptilian DNA concentrations, bringing parasites from the fourth dimension to the new found hosts, organizing them in a central location for the purpose of forced labor so that the Earth will be prepared for mass reptilian invasion.

Known characteristics: "Little Annie Cock Ring," aka The Tooth, is known for her prominent central incisor, which the resistance believes to be a vestigial egg tooth. The Tooth is said to use the tusk-like incisor vampirically to probe the DNA of unsuspecting white trash to test for reptilian DNA. If she finds high enough concentrations, she then contacts reptilian representatives stationed in the fourth dimension, who send parasites to the potential host human. She is also known to be semi-retarded.

Intelligence briefing notes: Ann is thought to have infected the following individuals at the DE TPKE Mobil: Pam Taylor, Don "Gummy Joe" Moore, Todd "Beefcake" McClure, Mike "Stinky" Wilsey. Ann is considered to be a psychological warfare specialist who can disable any man's penis for years on end by tricking him into mentally picturing her committing a sexual act, and so should be avoided as she constantly spews out the details of her "personal" life, which is now more of a public life, or zoo exhibit. Attached to the Notorious D.A.R.R.E.L.L., also known as "Biggie," she is thought to be part of the Eastern Seaboard Association for the Protection of Child Molesters, a sub-division of NAMBLA, and in association with fourth dimensional lizards. Also, she keeps pet ferrets which she breeds and uses for snacks by piercing their necks with her proboscis or egg tooth, and drinking the blood. All agents of the resistance are warned to avoid her at all costs, as she has been known to charge even when unprovoked. Also, she stamps out fires whenever she sees them.

Name: Jeff
Known Aliases: The Fat Kid, The Shadow, Bill Cooper, David Icke, Vince Clortho - Keymaster of Gozur
Catch Phrase(s): Damn, I'm hungry. Where the fuck is my turkey sub? I wish (insert any person here) was dead. I hate the clergy.
Department: Satirization Department of the Advanced Concepts Office of the TZR
Title(s): Head writer for the TZR, Mythology Specialist/Book Worm, CEO of The Chandala Association Online, Eliminator of Poultry/Snickers bars, Latin Translator.

Mission(s): To make fun of everyone and everything he sees up to and including himself, but especially Jared. Formerly a reconaissance agent at The Realm whose missions there were to anger the customers, make fun of agents of The Realm, to NOT plus sell, to smoke way too much, to complain in general, and to tell everyone, no matter which side of the resistance they're on, all the ridiculous lies Donald "Gummy Joe" Moore lets loose on the population. To resist the doctrines of The Tooth by way of satire, civil disobedience, and treating people (including the clergy and the mystery shopper) like shit.

Known Characteristics: The Fat Kid is known to be anxious and unable to work unless there is a turkey sub within three feet. Also, he has an insatiable urge to eat Snickers bars, and has been seen staking out the M&M/Mars Factory in Hackettstown, NJ, which he refers to as "the promised land." Also, the Fat Kid has quite a temper, and is known to have yelled at one priest, and at least one "mystery shopper," who he called a "cocksucker."

Intelligence briefing notes: Whenever the Fat Kid doesn't have his mouth full of chocolate covered turkey with nugat and peanuts, he can be seen buried in a book, inside of which are hidden pictures of lesbians. Sometimes he reads the actual text, but only sometimes. What this means, however, is that the fat kid's attention span is quite small, so he can't be counted on to do work of any kind, making him a poor agent of the resistance who cannot be trusted. Consequently, the resistance's loss of the fat kid is not a matter of importance, though he was kind of funny. Also, the Fat Kid is known to refer to himself in the third person when comunicating by way of electronic media, which is his between-Snickers-bars hobby. However, when his attention is focused in the workplace he is a potent force known to disregard nearly every Mobil protocol whether Tooth-related or otherwise, to abuse customers, to tie up the phone line by way of internet access, to convince Gummy Joe that he is catatonic, and convice Pam that he listens exclusively to bands associated with the devil.

We of the ACO are now releasing this special report to all colleagues of The Zero Recusancy. Delivered to the Advanced Concepts Office's drop box in an empty ketchup stained Burger King bag, with instructions to make them public, these Pumpboy Liberation Front (PbLF) demands were made available to us:

Initial Demands to the Management of the Realm of the Tooth

We demand that the Sacred Order of Attendants and Sales Associates be recognized and acknowledged as the lawful guild of the Turnpike Mobil's pumpboys.

We demand that Guinness, not Heineken, be the official workplace beverage.

We demand that the Tooth be required to purchase and use a new alarm clock and arrive at work on time.

We demand that the Realm of the Tooth fully acknowledge that former pumpboy Jared is in fact an heroic figure that enlighten many to the extensiveness of the dark conspiracies that work against the pumpboys of the Turnpike Mobil.

PbLF

END

Here is a photo copy of Jared's letter of resignation. The original is believed to be securely guarded by Vern (aka Grand Wizard, The Winston Smoking Man, Dim Witted Redneck, Inbred Redneck, Drunken Redneck, HRIC [Head Redneck In Charge], King Cobra, and Ruler of the Pumps) in his wallet.

Based on intel supplied by our source monitoring the upper class community of mobile homes known as Waterford, We of the ACO are now releasing this special report to all colleagues of The Zero Recusancy.

Gospel According to Mrs. Burns:

Again the witness refused to actually sit and write down what she saw, so it is reprinted here from the audio tape interview by her permission. Also, because Mrs. Burns is so often in contact with the working men of Delaware, she is poised to pick up on some of their slang and vernacular which is dissimilar to that of Ambulance drivers and associated medical tradespersons. Therefore I have revised the list of glossary of terms adding some that are new, and retaining some which were included in the previous list.

Gospel According to Rodney:

Son of God's/editor's Note: Because Rodney refused to write all this down, I have recorded it, and reprint that tape here with his permission. Also, due to his particular story telling style, it must be mentioned that all references to Bill Cooper wearing a Casper the Friendly Ghost mask, are symbolic references which refer directly to the actual, non-symbolic death of Mr. Cooper. Casper the Friendly Ghost is simply a vernacular term which is part of the sophisticated nomenclature of ambulance drivers and associated medical tradespersons who, in their weariness at dealing day in and day out with death and carnage, must apply such euphemisms in order to maintain their sanity. Having composed his narrative in symbolic terms such as these could prove confusing to a person attempting to interpret the document. Because I have been prohibited by law from altering this statement so that it may be read correctly, and in order to clear up any misconceptions, I have prepared a brief glossary of terms.

Book of Bob the Prophet:

Chapter 1:
In days when there was no longer any disco, and the initial punk rock movement had degenerated into the movement known as new wave, and the Ramones were permanently out of the spotlight, and there was a terrible character actor in the office of the president, there was a man named Bob. Bob had been born in the time when Jim Morrison was yet alive, and The Jefferson Airplane was not yet The Jefferson Starship, and he had witnessed many portentous events. He witnessed the dark days when John Travolta abandoned his sweat-hog roots and explored homosexuality, and when Nixon claimed not to be a crook, and when people did the hustle, and these events stirred him so that he turned away from the light and into darkness where hides the truth. Bob went far away from the others, and into the land known as the Delmarva peninsula, where he found that the people were bored and stupid. And here he stayed, and meditated on events of the not-so-distant past. He traveled to an island in a sea of asphalt, whereon he found peace, working as a sales associate on the northern end of the island. There was peace at the north end of the island, for things were done properly. There were more sales associates, and fewer customers for each, and things were good. Or as good as they can be when working for minimum wage. But a day came when Bob was curious about the south end of the island, and there he ventured, for his curiosity had reached such a peak that he could no longer say, "Fuck that."

Chapter 1:
There was a man in the land of New Castle County whose name was Jarob; and that man was perfect and upright, and one who feared lizards and eschewed logic. And there was born unto him a daughter. His substance also was a double wide trailer, a wiener dog, a few cats, and a girlfriend with fat titties, and a very great household; so that this man was the greatest of all the men in New Castle County. And Jarob abstained from voting, and disbelieved the propaganda of newspapers, and feared only lizards. And Jarob spread the word of lizards faithfully as he had found it written in the sacred texts, and the son of God was well pleased with him in all ways. Thus did Jarob continually. Now there was a day when the fat people of New Castle County were gathered, and Jarob, coming across them, knew that it was his duty to spread the word faithfully as he had read it in the sacred texts. Thereon, he began to expound the theory of lizards, and reptilian bloodlines, pederasty amongst said lizards, blood drinking, and the ritual sacrifice of children with either blond or red hair and fair skin. Upon hearing such things the gathered fat people began to taunt Jarob, saying such things as, "You're a fucking retard, dude," and "Just because the government does shadowy shit, and Bush is turning the country into a three thousand mile wide concentration camp, doesn't mean he's a lizard. What the hell is wrong with you?" And Jarob said, "Mocked I came out of the earth, and mocked shall I return thither. The son of God giveth knowledge, and the knowing shall be mocked until proven right. Blessed be the name of the son of God."

The following is my account, to the best of my recollection, of my abduction and heroic escape from the mother ship of the aliens known as "grays."
I was driving north on I-95, between the 896 and 273 exits when above me there was suddenly a bright light. I figured maybe it was the ghetto bird searching for the perpetrators in the Mobil robbery, but then I saw it was far too big to be just a helicopter.

I conducted this seance, or channeling in the home of a concerned third party and follower of mine who was willing to lend us the space and time in order to shed light on the heinous murder of the late Bill Cooper, forcing us to add another late to his name. The two of us sat at the kitchen table of the double wide trailer, and the third party, who wishes to remain anonymous in order to avoid public humiliation and persecution, sat on his couch tapping quietly at the keys of his ibook, occasionally looking up and commenting.

The following interview took place in a public park in Washington DC. The subject contacted me, asking to be interviewed because of the important information he had regarding the shape-shifting parasitic inter-dimensional lizards and the situation at the Delaware Turnpike Mobil. However, the subject asked to remain anonymous for fear of reprisal.

On my first foray into the sandy plains of southern Delaware, I observed the following:

There was a circle on the ground in the center of which was drawn a pentagram. On the west side of the circle was a huge movie screen which must have been at least four feet high and six feet wide. Directly in the center of the circle was a reel to reel movie projector, behind which were two chairs. Behind the chairs was a small silver colored CD player which was plugged into a Honda generator, which was outside the circle. Apparently generators are not sacred equipment, and so could not be included in sacred space or the ceremony at all.

The following interview took place at FBI headquarters at the insistence of Mr. Icke, who claimed it was the only place on the North American continent that was not bugged for sound, and that did not have microscopic cameras.

The following interview was recorded in a hotel bar. David Icke was disguised as Mr. T, and wearing a flowing red dress to avoid looking conspicuous, and to throw off his alien pursuers.