Help us to ransom BZ owner/CEO Decanus from his vicious Biaviian captors. Please donate to the (Canadian) Dollars for Decanus fund or buy a trendy new t-shirt from our new online store.

-Pimples Malone (BZ Webmaster)

Passing away during this new spring of his seventy second year, the Oracle leaves us knowing too little about him. He was born in October, 1935 as Gabby Whitman and he lived in several different suites over the years at the Chateau Clintonville since the 1960s.

Not too long after the BlueZer0 staff came to the conclusion that they were "powerless to ransom BZ owner/CEO Decanus from his vicious Biaviian captors," a call for help was made in the form of a text message to the known cell phone numbers of the greater BZ community. Surprisingly there were replies from the long in hiding eco-warrior Davey Lindh.

By turning what was an after-hours shelter for the Chateau Clintonville's hobo van clan and vagrant dumpster divers during cold winter nights into a den of late night hedonism and debauchery, Lucy Skankwalker and her 10 Live Crew find needed party space. The Chateau's chapel/laundry room was once a favorite holy ground of the late Oracle of Clorox but now it's reduced to being a place for skanky ass grabbing.

During recent interview, Apollo 14 astronaut Dr Edgar Mitchell claims aliens do exist and NASA knows it! Click here to read more and listen to interview.

Chateau Clintonville -- The gossip here at the offices of BZ regarding the Fat Kid's whereabouts has become ridiculously fantastic and frightening. In light of the recent abduction of Decanus and the involvement of the since disappeared Shadow in that abduction, who can blame the BZ staff for thinking fantastically, if not of the worst. But, to keep things level headed and journalistic I will share only the facts as they are known.

Area 4041 -- The scene specifically chosen for use of the stone circle located in front of Building 4041. The chilly nighttime autumn air along with the stone and brick was thought to be a good spot for an audio recording. The dark and the shadows considered to be perfect for capturing the correct mood for the visual portion of the future posting. But noone at BZ considered the event worthy of a live audience, that is, until the little gray bastards crashed this latest recording of The Biaviian Device Speaks!

Readings from The Lessor Babylonian Book of Importantness, by the Biaviian Anti-Gravity Device.

Part One

Coming soon in Episode 3 of The Biaviian Device Speaks!, the second installment of Readings from The Lessor Babylonian Book of Importantness, by the Biaviian Anti-Gravity Device.

-Pimples Malone

Readings from The Lessor Babylonian Book of Importantness, by the Biaviian Anti-Gravity Device.

Part Two

Coming soon, Episode 4 of The Biaviian Device Speaks!, the third and final installment of Readings from The Lessor Babylonian Book of Importantness, by the Biaviian Anti-Gravity Device.

-Pimples Malone

Here it is, the last of this long ass mini-series: Readings from The Lessor Babylonian Book of Importantness, by the Biaviian Anti-Gravity Device. So, give it a listen/view and finally be done with it!

-Pimples Malone

Buckalew Estate -- With the polls closed and only the faint smell of kaneh-bosm outside the door of the Buckalew 2008 campaign headquarters hinting of any election day activity inside, BZ's Waterford correspondent knocked hoping for a quick comment.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Jolly Endtimes from the abducted, lazy, and winter depressed staff members of BlueZer0.net

Upper Arlington -- A spotted hybrid chick from Venus was seen waving a bag full of bean burritos at men outside a local Walmart late Monday night. Pumping the bag in the air outside her driver side window as she sat in her vehicle, she was heard to say, "Hey! Hey, you want these? You know you do!" and, "Come on, come here, it's Taco Bell!"

Can you spot a human host of a shape shifting lizard from the fourth dimension? Are your skills for identifying the tattooed freak next to you in the checkout line as an alien implanted drone as sharp as they need to be? Find out by playing Spot The Gray!!!


Will you see 'em coming before a Gray shows up at your door with an ass probe?

Clintonville – Our readership is up, which is a good thing and so is the quantity of fan (e)mail being delivered here to the BZ home office. Which is also good, maybe...

Clintonville -- Big Gunny Wayne gets tough with Decanus Picto and BZ in a new email. The last time his hate letter was so special we had to post it and now it seems we are expected to again. So here's the latest. . .

Waterford Estates -- November 30, 2009: A date still so shockingly painful, those of us in the know of the events of that day just can't find the words. So, to clue you all in on the importance and relevance of this film, borrowed are these words from The Golden Bough, by Sir James George Frazer, "...for like the great majority of mankind the savage is above being hidebound by the trammels of a pedantic logic. In attempting to track his devious thought through the jungle of crass ignorance and blind fear, we must always remember that we are treading enchanted ground, and must beware of taking for solid realities the cloudy shapes that cross our path or hover and gibber at us through the gloom. We can never completely replace ourselves at the standpoint of primitive man, see things with his eyes, and feel our hearts beat with the emotions that stirred his. All our theories concerning him and his ways must therefore fall far short of certainty; the utmost we can aspire to in such matters is a reasonable degree of probability."

-Pimples Malone

Meet Nomie Homie, host of #NomieVision on www.twitter.com. A somewhat daily, real time, running commentary on her favorite TV shows.

Recently, shortly before one of her commentary filled tweet sessions, she took time to interview presidential candidate Decanus Picto. Since some of you may have missed it the first time on Twitter, here's your second chance. . .

As first reported by The Shadow in his latest article covering his Third Avenue Saucer Crash Investigation, the purpose of these non-worldly symbols are unknown to him. How about you? Can you explain their origin and translate their meaning?

Clintonville - As many BZ’s readers may recall, the news of our lead paranormal investigator’s disappearance was recently posted by The Third Fictional Reporter. In that article TFR reported, "The Shadow’s growing number of creditors, including BZ, have decided to pool our funds, and hire a professional cryptozoologist to track his Shadowy Ass down [...] The compensation packet includes: beer (fizzy, yellow, American beer that’s like $5 for a 12-pack – don’t touch my New Castle Brown, bitch), and nightly use of our flashlight." Well, we've recieved responses to that job posting.

Since the Visa card linked to the expense account used by The Shadow has long been maxed out at the $25 limit and disabled, we, the BZ managing editors, have all the time we need to go over the email and resumes sent in by those interested in the job and share some of the standouts with you the readers. Your comments are welcome in helping us choose the right inebriate to become BZ's staff cryptozoologist.

Here's one that seems interesting:

Director Doctor Jake Willoughby Prescott Handson IV, Phd.

Clintonville - Two days ago a large envelope arrived here at the BlueZer0.net offices and the whole staff took notice. A weird vibe or presence was felt by all as the mail arrived on that day and all eyes were focused on the letter. But there was no return address, so for staff safety we allowed Trouble the office cat to play with the envelope after covering it with catnip. With no sounds of ticking or smells of smoke or sulfur following repeated kitty strong pounces and tumbles, we decided it was safe to open. Inside we found, what is later proven to be, a Margaret James, yet to be publicly seen, drawing of the Biaviian Anti-Gravity Device.

The Two Wheeled Love Machine , as we call it, is a Crayola™ drawing created by the loving hand of Margaret James.

Clintonville - As The Fat Kid continues his convalescence behind the bolted door of his chateau suite, many of you loyal readers should be familiar as to why he cannot contribute to BlueZer0.net at this time. And, many of you do know that The Shadow has been filling in the last few weeks. What all of you don't know is it seems our favorite skunk ape isn't submitting an article this week and is avoiding our calls. However, we at BZ believe we know why he is laying low. So it's now up to me, Pimples Malone, BZ's webmaster and photographer, to share with you that understanding of why in this week's posting.

There are those of us associated with BlueZer0.net, Decanus and I for example, that despise The Shadow. He has burned most of us in the past. When I say burned I mean he has set us up for some really nasty shit including an abduction by aliens and the drinking of poisoned wine. There's one thing you can always count on when it comes to that furry bastard and his involvement in your project, he's working a scam or a con to take full advantage of your hard work. This time, with his filling in at BZ by leading the investigation into the Haunting of the Chateau Clintonville he has proved himself to be the same old dirty ape. With Decanus away with his Black Squirrels craziness and The Fat Kid drinking his way through sleepless nights the sasquatch we all hate had free use of the BZ offices. Now he is gone and so is our priceless Margaret James drawing.

The Two Wheeled Love Machine , as we call it, is a Crayola™ drawing created by the loving hand of Margaret James.

So stay tuned. The Fat Kid and Decanus will surely return to their former greatness and right this terrible wrong done against BZ and art lovers everywhere!

-Pimples Malone

We're taking this week off. Please come back next Sunday for our first article of 2012 aka The Year Of Doom!