BlueZer0.net

Lez go with Patty Hearst...

These days, the self-help genre is inundated with texts filled with promises to improve any number of skills that we consider important to daily life. Ironically, few instructional essays have been written which address how one is to improve one’s odds of surviving an apocalypse. The dangerously sparse amount of literature on the apocalypse tends to be speculative or fanciful at best. This essay presents mental and physical courses of action which should be implemented immediately by anyone wishing to survive an apocalyptic disaster.

Yes, that's Saculus Von Doom aka Rich Fuester, former guitarist of the defunct Alazith, working Altar of Dagon's drums for maximum doomage to a Sabbath classic. It is rumored the above video was a response to a practice session video by the band Satan's Afterbirth.

-Decanus, BZ's Planet Biaveh Bureau Chief

A faithful reader sent us this email on April 14, 2008 detailing recent alien activity at the Waterford Estates MHC. -BZ

The following is a true and accurate account (subject to occasional alcohol-induced hallucinations) of events occurring on or about March 17, 2008. You may edit for content, quality or convenience, as is deemed fit.

On March 17, 2008, I went to A Piece of Ireland where I met up with my brother and his wife, as well as some of my AOH brothers. I consumed lots of Guinness and enjoyed the traditional music (“American Pie” was a crowd favorite, as was the Metallica cover of “Whiskey in the Jar”). I returned home at an undetermined time, sure only that it was after sunset, and fell out of my SUV. While lying prone on the driveway, I noticed a strange green glow between the trailers to the right of mine. I staggered in that direction and turned the corner facing the Shed of Light between the properties.

By Jared Buckalew

I think I like porn so much because it has always been around in my house since I was a kid. I found my first playboy when I was seven. Been looking at tits and ass on a regular basis ever since. They say to keep this stuff away from kids, but it didn’t warp my mind, society did.

Here is a photo copy of Jared's letter of resignation. The original is believed to be securely guarded by Vern (aka Grand Wizard, The Winston Smoking Man, Dim Witted Redneck, Inbred Redneck, Drunken Redneck, HRIC [Head Redneck In Charge], King Cobra, and Ruler of the Pumps) in his wallet.